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i am a dead man. i died an year ago. its hard now, to understand this condition, because i no longer believe in death. death wouldnt mean a physical or metaphysical one.. the most terrible condition in ones life, even thats death. i assure that even thats death. much terrible than death. if one were to choose between death and something else, if we tend to choose death insted of somethingelse and live through somethinelse, but... i bet you, that thats death, because the given condition is much more terrible than death in one's on conscience. things left apart, i am depressed now, like an year before.. i wonder why i write and tear almost everything that i write.. all that one can do to save oneself is quiet a lot, it seems like.. but its all utter rubbish when one is deppressed.. so all that i can do to come out of my post depressive stage is nothing. here, interestingly there's no time or space. any time or any space is equally deppressive as any other time or space. thats not the point anyways.. the point is nothing.. only in true depression can i seek my self, the real degrading helpless hopeless painfilled terrible self, that likes pain. different ways of pain.. many many pains injected, consciously as though that pain makes you forget a larger pain thats out there.. its all simple: its jandoo balm. headache? dont cut off your head. give it more pain. give it terrible solitude. give it ultimate loneliness and consiousness of waiting for a half-known pain.. that would cure the existing pain.. it might lead to a longer and larger pain.. but we can easily get used to it, becaust of its longevity.. pain pain and pain. I never believed in God. haha.. that gives a way to much more than pain.. knowing the terribility of the absurd existance. aware of it all the time.. consciously running towards meeting the unknownabsurd all the time.. what is all this.. truth? lies? pain? pleasure of pain? dream..? dream within a dream??!
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Posted by depression on 2008-03-27 12:14:45 | Rating: | Views: 38
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Sometimes I use pain to cure my depression but it never works. Get some help and tell someone you can trust about it. Medication and good counseling go hand in hand when curing this terrible mental disorder.
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Posted by SubTomato
on 2008-03-27 13:13:51
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