Here I am again. Unmotivated, unsuccessful, unpublished, undesirable, uneducated, unmarketable, unemployed me.

I applied for at least 50 jobs online today. The only phone calls I got back were from the phone company who had to change my service for me because I can't afford frivolous things like Caller ID, some credit card collection agencies and my mother.

Sometimes the creditors even like to call my mother to in hopes of either finding me or driving my whole family (even more?) insane.

I even went as far as to send some applications in the mail (because I'm not snotty enough to dismiss potential employment from someone who doesn't even have an email address). One place had me fill out the paper application for each job again even though I've done this, and sent my resume / cover letter / transcript / references file to them in bulk this year. So there I was, printing out a paper application that I got online, mind you, from a higher educational system at that, and had to hand write all my information out, then write the job codes in pencil, scan and fax each page (a long distance call by the way...the phone company pointed that out when I swore to them that I just needed local phone service.) Then I had to erase the job code, write the new one, scan and fax again. I did this for about 5 jobs. Then there were the online applications that only by the grace of God and modern technology allowed me to "quick apply" for each one that said anything about "receptionist" and "Orlando".

In some ways it was a productive day. Don't they say that the hardest job is finding a job? And they probably said that before the wonders of online resume building.



And how do I stay so positive, you may ask? Well, I have finally figured out that all this time, as cliche as it sounds, chocolate and soap operas does make a girl feel good. Granted I had reduced fat Oreo cookies (4 a day) and watch The Tudors but all in all, it's something that just helps make the emotional wishy-washy stuff melt away.

And actually it's helped my weight too. I don't eat much as far as nutrition goes, but I stay very satisfied with milk and cookies and an occasional peanut butter sandwich (reduced fat on low calorie bread, of course) makes the cravings for "bad things" not so apparently at midnight when I'm trying to get myself to sleep. I've also noticed that the old fun of chronic heartburn decides to come back early in the morning when I haven't eaten anything for twelve hours. I swear, that alone made me have nightmares about being at my old job. Last night I pictures myself at a desk, having to fill out an application saying I'd willingly give it another year as a teacher with my administration all looking down on me in glee to have me as a torture victim again. The English Renaissance could have included that mental abuse in their attempts at punishment and confession. {shudder}



Anyway, it's freaking freezing outside as my fellow Floridians know. It's 61 out and I have the heater running, soup in my belly and flannel penguin pajamas on. Weren't we getting excited for Spring last week?

And, I still have work to do, what's new? If any kind of effort produced a mild hint of progress, I think I'd be way more into writing again. For now, everything just sits here, untyped, unsubmitted, unedited or unfinished. I recall a time, some months ago, when I worked a lot. I'm trying to get back into the full swing of working constantly but a million voided hours does not equal a million reasons to keep trying. (Unfortunately.)



I did, however, take thirty minutes to write an ode to all the crazy guys I've ever had in my life. I didn't realize it before, but most of the guys I'm into are 5'11" to 6'3". And I always said that size didn't matter. Hhmm... I sent my "Crazy Guy Timeline" in an email to Laura per our "men who are losing their hair should just go ahead and shave it" conversation. Yup, I enjoy being a girl.



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