I don't think I've ever discussed this here....oh I'm sure I've mentioned sex a time or two in passing...throwing a pun or two around for fun, but I don't think I've ever had the down and dirty ramblings on the subject of sex.............so.....here goes....
Sex is over-rated..in my humble opinion. It's great...don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex...just not at 6 in the morning when my breath is like a dragon's and my hair is standing on end, and I have to pee really, really bad. I just don't feel sexy at 6 in the morning....but that's "his" best hour and when you're my age....you get what you can get when it's available.
But like I said in my opening...sex is over-rated. When you and your significant other first start dating, sex is GREAT. You know what I'm talking about...that new sex...when you can't get enough of each other. Three or four times a day........going home on lunch hour and getting a little afternoon delight. That new sex you did everything...tried everything...but inevitably, after a month or so, you slow down the pace to once every two days....then it's once a week....then after two years it's once every other week....give or take a week or so. Now where people make mistakes in choosing their mates is they get all worked up about how good the sex is that they didn't take time to see if this person can put two or three words together to form a real working sentence. The first few months the majority of the words you heard and spoke to each other were, "yes, don't stop, faster, oh god, oh my god, right there, a little lower, oh baby, oh yes baby, that was great." But then the sex slowed down and your realize you have nothing at all to talk about. He's sitting on the sofa with a stupid look on his face watching reruns of Bevis and Butthead and laughing like a lunatic and you feel all the brain cells leave your cranium and dissolve into thin air. At this point you can do one of two things; end it now and buy a vibrator or start blogging and keep all the good sex for as long as you can. Seriously, the vibrator is the better deal. You never have to shave your legs, it doesn't snore, it doesn't fart, it fits nicely in the drawer beside the bed, and you don't have to cook it dinner. Certainly the warm body is nice in the winter time, but so is an electric blanket. And it uses less electricity than the stupid play station he sits in front for hours at a time playing war games.
Ok...I'm being a little hard on the guys...but that was some funny shit...huh? Seriously, when you commit to a relationship make sure the person you are committing substantial time and energy to can keep you locked in conversation in which you find educational, funny, and interesting because two years down the road there's going to be spaces of time...like weeks, that sex is not going to take place. In order to fill up that dead space, it would be nice if you could carry on an intelligent conversation.
Nakedness...now here's a topic. I think the female body is beautiful. But I'm sorry, I have honestly tried to find the beauty in the male nakedness...and I just can't find it. It's not pretty guys..really...you might think that "junior" is the cutest thing in the world, but it's not. Sometimes it's damned scary....And guys love it when women bend over..........Guys...I have to wash my eyes out with bleach when you bend over naked.......this is not something you want to do if you are feeling the desire for sex.........cause if you bend over naked in front of your lady.....the libido is out the window. It takes days to erase that image from our minds. That's just some scary shit men...don't do it....just don't do it.
So there we go; my first official sex blog...turned out pretty well if I must say so myself.
So remember these words...your relationship should be like the best cake in the world and sex is the frosting on that cake.. The cake is great all by itself because it's never dry. But sometimes you want just a little extra sweetness.......that's the icing. Make sure your cake is moist..........or else you will have to drown it in frosting in order to swallow the cake.
Let the comments begin.................
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