Hey there, drinking some jasmine tea. There's a band outside setting up. They sound like Franz Ferdinand and lifehouse combined. Fascinating indeed. I was trying to take a nap, I took some pain killers earlier not realizing that they caused drowsiness. It was only after I took them that I read the label on the bottle. Gee, thank God it wasn't rat poison, otherwise I'd be totally gone by now and then where would you be. Yesterday, we were talking about schizophrenia, psychosis, psychopaths and the like. Just looking at some of the symptoms and circumstances which lead to these tend to strike  a cord with me. Not saying that I am  a psycho or anything but, I really have always thought of myself as somewhat off. The strangest things that cross my mind. But I often think that who doesn't think strange thoughts. Well that and what truly constitutes an idea crazy? and who can define it to be so? can the insane recognize their lack of sanity or does one have to be sane in order to tell the two apart.

    I was thinking of my husband, no-I'm not but one day I will be. I don't know. I am not in a rush to get married but more curious as to who's it going to be? how is it all going to happen?...yah know? My sister over a month ago called. She is in the ARMY and is stationed in Germany. We talked for a little over an hour. She was drunk somewhat or at least getting there but she told me so much of what happened in Iraq. She is in so much pain over it all, all the people that died. She does not feel like a hero. Man, it sucks having my sisters far from me at a time in my life when I really need them. Now, I rarely talk to anyone at all as well. I wish I had  a car already. ii should really love to ride off by the coast and just listen to music and look at the aesthetic beauty that is here in Lala land. Can I tell you something? there are moments when I wake up, well about 80% of the times when I wake up that I do so with my heart racing and I feel just so much anxiety and paranoia. Like, I cant explain it its crazy.

    Last night in the car, One moment I glanced at my mother, looked away and then looked back and saw her as a robot. Like not A.I, nor I, Robot look, more like how in Terminator 3. How those robots look. This was for like 10 seconds. That was weird. I often think, everyday at least three times a day how I am going to die. Or very often getting into accidents. That and what will be the reaction that everyone will have once they find out that I am dead. I also think of how my family would die. I really don't have as much fun as I used to. With anything or anyone. I rarely do. I'll be hanging out with people and be happy for like 1/ 2 an  hour and then just feel horrible for the rest. I dont know...