Now, I know what you're thinking, two other guys?....freek!!! Lol, no no no by no means. So, as stated before, I was on this phone chat and that's how I started talking to these two other guys. They were both interesting. One of them, Ramos, he found me in the chatroom one day and heard my greeting...at the time I had a song from the Raveonettes. No one from our side of town had ever heard of them, except for like a handful of people and so he had recognized it. He was like, "wow, you know who they are, how cool...." It went on from there. We exchanged numbers and began to talk. The same day we started talking, was the day that he tells me he's in love with me. Now, I guess i'll give it to those whom believe in love at first sight but love at first phone chat? sounds utterly ridiculous. I thought it was weird but cute so I did not say anything. A month later we met and got together. I'm not sure why, I liked him a little and thought he was cute, funny, sweet and smart but none of these things would have ever been enough of a good reason for me to get with anyone but I did. It lasted a month, why? He disappeared. One day he just stopped calling. At first I was somewhat bothered but in the end I did not really feel hurt by it, I got used to it and figured he just did not like me and that's ok. I don't like obligating people to talk to me when the don't want to. Well, it was around this time that I started talking to this other guy. This time it was I who initiated the hello.

    Yet again, intro's make the difference, lol I thought his was totally adorable...he was copying the intro of this one Third Eye Blind song. So, I said hello, he responded, he requested a private chat and then he gave me his number and I gave him mine. We would always talk, it was like that for two months but then one whole month passed by in which we stopped talking. Till this day, we're both not sure why that happened. The point is that one day he called me and the journey continued. So, one day we decided we're going to meet. I remember that day something came up...I think with Joshua...so as you can see I was willing to flake out on this guy and go with the boy I was in love with for like ever. Eventually, the night before, I called and told him I was not going to be able to go, he seemed bothered but tried to play it off. So, we rescheduled for another day. That following morning, I just felt completely horrible and so I called. His mother answered, I was freeked... I told her if she could tell him to meet me where I told him we would meet. That day was something else, I will never forget it. That day in class we were wrapping up The Scarlet Letter and we were all wearing our scarlet letters..lol... yes I know... I still have the pic of that day, I'll post it.After school I went straight to the place where we were going to be meeting up at. I waited for like 2 hrs and then...there he showed up. I knew it was him, he recognized me too. We talked... I thought he was just soooo cute. After 2 hours, I had to go home... we said bye...he hugged me:D.

    I left home thinking, this guy seems sooo amazing. Later on that night he asked me out, I said sure, soon. It went on like that for about three months. There was always that date lingering. I started to feel something for him within that time but I did not want to admit it to myself simply because I did not want to go through another heart ache...being in love is great but if I can avoid it, I will, at all costs. You know that sayin g it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. That's way off...It's better to have never loved at all simply because if you never have you dont know what you're missing out on.... I wasn't in love with this guy, not yet. One night I got up the nerve to tell him that I liked him. The following six months we dated. Then, we finally got together that july of that following year. It was fantastic...fabulous...I fell in love and so did he. The next year this girl sent me an email saying that she had been seeing him. It broke me, it shattered my every being. I did not want to believe it...I asked him...he said it was true. I cried and cried. He isn't Christian and my beliefs had everything to do why so much of our problems occurred. He tried to understand but it was hard on both of us. So, we made up and I forgave. Later on it happened again and I forgave but this time it was harder. 

     Cheating is always wron, no matter what the circumstance. I was hurt, scared...it all got to the point were I just got so paranoid...I was afraid of myself of my feelings. I was hanging out with my friend and I kissed him. He had a girlfriend at the time. I felt so terrible....Two years since we first started talking. I knew that this was not a relationship I should be in, the trust wasn't there anymore, it was unhealthy, I felt convicted...I had to get out. I went to his house that day and cried and told him that it was over. I went home and cried. My friend called and I told him what happened, he said If you broke up with him you should be happy with the decision that you made, not sad. I went back to his house and told him I wanted to get back together. On the condition that we'd try to be in this relationship the right way. It was this summer where everything just totally went crazy. I remember that week was just horrible. I broke up with him monday and got back together, tuesday was normal,wednesday was when i found out about him cheating on me again, with the same girl a second time. We broke up...Thursday I spent it with my parents all day sad and trying not to cry, buying things for the dorm. He called my house ten times, on the tenth time he left a voicemail and said he wanted me to call him. I thought about it twice. I did not want to, i was scared. "Should I? should I not? should I just move on? or take him back?...what will he say?...."....