Its another night and I find myself yet again not being able to sleep due to my continuing need to think and re think my love life. I know that I am not the only one with a tragic love story or a glittering, beautiful moment..we all do. Each one's story is significant in its own way. I guess I just haven't had the time to really think about mine and all it s craziness. This is a journal, right? Here it goes....

It all started when I was in the eigth grade. I was in love with this boy from school. I would pray everyday that he would love me back or at like me. I am not sure weather God really did answer my prayer or if it was all some huge coincidence but the fact of the matter is that he ended up liking me. So, all my friends new, and made fun of me. He finally, after a month or two decided to get up the nerve to tell me how he felt and asked me out. I said yes. We never kissed or did anything, we hardly spoke for that whole month. So, towards the end of that month I decided to tell him it was over and that we should just be friends. We never spoke again, not cause we hated each other just, we were thirteen and crazy. As it turns out, later on that school year one of my teachers decided that it was due time that we have a project to do. My friend Suzie was in that group and so, one day our group decides that we need to go to the library and work on it. We did. It was there that she introduced me to her older sister and her friends. That's when I met him, the boy whom I fell in love with completely for the next 2 1'/2 yrs.

I could not get him out of my head. He was just so cute, smart, funny. From then on, I would always hang out with my friend Suzie, her older sister and Joshua. At the time we would always hang out after school. That's how I got to know Joshua. We became the greatest of friends. Finally, I graduated from middle school and went off to high school, where I would get to spend even more time with him. And we did. We would spend lunch, mornings and after school together. He ended up only living less than a minute away from my house-can you believe it? We would go home together. Oh how Ioved him but he was totally head over heels for our friends older sister. But, that did not seem to go according tohis plans and so he ended dating a whole bunch of other girls and all the while I would just stand there next to him wondering..."look at me, they make you miserable but I won't...choose me." Pathetic, I know but hey, I was only 14 at the time, what do you expect. I never told him, it was like that all the way till my sophmore year. That summer going into sophmore year, I decided to go to summer school to take a class and so did a couple fo my friends. So, while still in love with him, I met another boy in my summer class. He was cute, had glasses and was totally in love with the Smashing Pumpkins. That's all that we would talk about. We ended up liking each other, so we dated for like 2 weeks. Joshua found out and seemed surprised, i figured, maybe he does like me. As it turns out, he did not really and so it did not matter. This guy and I broke up and that was that. The school year started and one of my friends decided to get me on this phone chattting thing. At first I resisted but then gave in, That's how it all began.

So, the whole point of this thing was to make an intro to who you are and what you're all about and go into chatrooms and just send all these dorky messages and if someone wanted to talk to you one on one, then they just requested a private conversation. From then on, I talked to tons of boys and they talked to me, I met tons of them but nothing really happened. Until one day, I had on my intro a song from Oasis and this guy decideds to connect with me on a private chat. I agreed and we talked. We talked about music, life, school, our both being Christian, etc. He gave me his number and I gave him mine. We talked regularly about random things. I did not like him, yet.One day, my friends and I decided that we're all going to go to the movies to go see the Ring, horrible movie by the way and so, we did. I figured, this would be a great way to meet my phone friend and so I told him to meet me there, at the movies and we did.

My friend Sofia and I were the first to show up and right away decided to play in the fountain outside the theatre. After about a half hour, two guys show up. I did not dare look up but somewhat just glanced casually. One of them was totally cute. Then, after another half an hour, i ended up getting one of my shoes wet and that is when these two guys came up to my friend Sofi and I. Which is when the rest of my friends decided to show up. One of these guys I knew, my friend Serg. He introduced me to his friend, my phone buddy, Wesley. He was a very tall, handsome guy. We said hi and then whent with the rest of my friends inside the movie theatre. He hugged me...lol...I know, he put the moves on me and I followed, bad bad bad. No kiss though. I left home totally happy. We talked all night. The following week we got together. My whole sophmore year we spent it together. That's when Joshua decided to tell me that he wanted to have more than just a friendship with me but by that time, I was in love with Wes and could care less. We were still best friends though. As it turns out, I was a bad girlfriend at the time and that following summer going into junior year, we broke up. That summer, my aunt and cousins were going on a trip to Puerto Rico for two weeks, i joined and left my boyfriend behind. O how I missed him dearly, though about him all the time. I wold stare at his pic all night long. I figured he missed me too. So, I got back, he did not call, I did, his mother said he was not home, I cried that night. I was back, why was he not calling me. I had his password on the phone chat, I felt somehting telling me to go on, i did and i found a message from one of his friends asking him why he wanted to break up with me. I confronted him, he lied at first but then he admitted it and so we did. I cried and cried for almost two months, Iwould ask God every night to take my pain away. Later on that summer, I started talking to two other guys.....