While I have long regarded my cat without suspicion, even in the throws of paranoia, she will exhibit some traits which could be interpreted as harboring hostile intent. Here, as a cautionary set of guidelines from an outfit associated with the Humane Society, and in conjunction with a couple of retired secretaries from the Department of Homeland Security, I offer you the following list.
(from http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php)
- Kneading on you -- You may think this is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.
- Excessive shoveling of kitty litter -- After using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
- Staring contests -- If you get caught in a staring contest with your cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.
- Bringing you dead animals -- This isn't a gift. It's a warning.
- Throwing up grass -- Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their minds and bodies for combat.
- Hiding in dark places and watching you -- You cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.
- Sleeping on your electronics -- Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.
- Pawing at your face while you sleep -- Cat's aren't very good at smothering people, but this won't stop them from trying.
- Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter -- When your cat does this, it's actually a failed ambush.
So far, Kiki's been above suspicion, but now I have to sleep with my eyes open...
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