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| When the tears start, it can't be good
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I called my friend H., who is also my financial advisor. I had some questions for her regarding my taxes and I hadn't spoken to her in a couple of weeks. She asked how it was going with Crafty and all of the sudden I started to cry. Well shit.
This is starting to feel like Douchebag all over again. I know there are fundamental differences, but you know, i made excuses for Douchebag the entire time we were going out. No more. This is awful and painful and I hate it.
Why do I feel so hurt? I knew about this from the start. I knew he was emotionally unavailable. I guess it's the old competitive spirit rearing its head again. "Oh, but I can be the one who makes him happy. I will be the one who breaks down his walls." No, dumbass. You can't. You cannot control how anyone else feels, only your own actions. I have to tell myself this constantly. I'd like to think that with hard work, anything is possible. But sometimes, giving is not enough. I have to save something for myself, or it will be a shattered me all over again. And to tell you the truth, I just don't have it in me.
Okay, so I will cry. I have to let myself cry. It's still a loss. I felt a connection with someone and although he felt it for me, he is unable to give me what I need. I have to move on. And cutting ties will be a loss. I feel ridiculous crying, but I have to allow it. And then move on.
Why am i so fearful that I will never feel this way again? |
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Posted by datingretard on 2008-02-11 13:43:15 | Rating: | Views: 110
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Its hard not to cry when you feel like someone you had an immense connection with - pulls the plug. I do have to wonder - has Crafty not contacted you at all since all this went down? I'm sorry honey, but he's a total putz if he's willing to let you go without a fight.
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Posted by Whitters
on 2008-02-12 07:51:25
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