| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| Welcome to Hell, Single Girl! |
"No Dates Til '08"
That was my policy. I was shattered after my break-up with Douchebag. He was unemployed, a cheater and had man-boobs. I was crazy for him. Here I am, an attractive, smart and thought-I-had-it-together girl, and I could not stop crying over Chubby-Angry-Smoker. It was time to do some serious inventory.
So, I went on a man-fast. "No Dates til '08!" I declared to my friends. And they all smiled, patted my back and took side bets on how long that would last. I'm a serial monogamist. They all know it. But I was determined--I needed to clear my head and get back to the cool fun girl i used to be instead of the needy weepy pile of goo I had become. To quote the sluttiest song ever, "I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me"
And now '08 is here. As a test, I've registered for Match.com and put an identical posting on craigslist.
Lots of responses ranging from "I could rock you, girl. Me love you long time" (a winner!) to long thoughtful emails proclaiming that I was the girl of their dreams.
Here it is: unless he is clearly unhinged, inappropriate or disfigured, I'm gonna date them all. Screw the man-fast. Bring on the man BUFFET.
Man 1--Dr. Phil Guy
Dr, Phil guy sent an attractive photo of himself dining in the South of France. I asked him the ever important, what were you eating when you took that picture? (no food weirdos, please) And he was able to answer and string together a whole paragraph without typos or grammatical errors. A rarity! So I continued to correspond with him throughout the day. He responded promptly to my emails and even sent me a text telling me he thought I was "quite a woman". After my last relationship, where I always felt like I was begging for attention, it was nice to feel pursued. We spoke on the phone that night and I decided to be spontaneous and told him to pick me up in 15 minutes for a drink. He showed up, shorter and older than the picture he sent, with a libido crushing goatee prominantly displayed on his chin. Gentleman, in case no one has informed you, the goatee is OFFICIALLY DEAD. It is no longer cool. I have doubts if it ever was.
On the short drive to the bar, he proceeded to tell me how he was so smart for trading in his BMW for a Jetta. "Isn't this the coolest car?" Answer-if you have to ask, then no. I don't give a shit what you drive, just don't ask for my validation. He also cranked up his tunes and proclaimed "I have the coolest music, don't I?" Please see answer above.
I was set to jump out of the car, but he said he was taking me to Good Luck Bar, a divey place I had always wanted to check out. Oh, well. Give him a chance, right? Wrong.
The conversation was boring, he ordered a chocalate martini ( as a former bartender, I recognize an asshole by the drink he orders. Chocolate martini? Asshole--with the tastebuds of a five year old girl.) and then he told me how "exotic" I was. I bristled at this. Having grown up as the only Asian girl in a midwestern town, I am wary of man who dates me for the "exotic" factor. Dr. Phil Guy then proceeded to tell me for the next hour how I was too sensitive, that I shouldn't feel that way, that I need to let go of the past. I stared glumly at the jukebox and thought that if this is what dating is, I will commit myself to spinsterhood.
I tried to tell him that I was allowed to have my feelings, but he kept interrupting me, telling me that he never regrets or mourns anything, that every experience just brings him closer to "perfection". Perfection? One word for you dude. Goatee.
Finally I got up and said, "I have to go home". He kept putting his arm around my waist and telling me to stop being so sensitive. I kept hitting his hand away from me and asking to go home.
So he put me in his car and told me. "You're not ready to date yet" I just said yes and asked him to not speak to me anymore. As he dropped me off, he told me that he wanted to see me again, that despite my flaws, he thought I was good enough underneath to get to know. I walked out.
2008 is going to be a long year.
|
|
Posted by datingretard on 2008-01-14 21:40:06 | Rating: | Views: 168
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 