Thoughts.com Blogs - Weekend Wrap-Up

Got back from portland and then had to turn around and drive to San Diego to coach the girls in a volleyball tournament. While I was down there, I went to visit my friends S and S and their little girl. It was so good to see them. Their home is full of love and peace. I used to think I had that with my ex-husband, but in the end it was just a facade. I think we were more interested in projecting this image of the perfect couple, but when we were alone together we had simply stopped talking in the last few years of our marriage. We had been so close. It scares me to think that it could happen again, that maybe it could build a life with someone and have it disintergrate before I even realize it. I suppose I just have to be vigilant. So often, I sacrificed my true feelings for peace. Silence is better than a fight, right? Nope! When that all builds up, it becomes toxic.

Crafty came over on Friday night. I cooked him dinner and while eating, he mentioned how he had thought about going vegan for a while. VEGAN????? I almost cried. Seriously, I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. Food is love to me, and I don't know what the hell I would cook for him if he went vegan. All my favorite dishes have eggs or butter or milk in them. it's bad enough I can't make him my meat lasagna or biscuits and gravy. But going vegan--I believe I would really have to break it off. I just couldn't.

We both had to get up early the next morning--he had to work and I had to drive to San Diego. I knew he had a big week coming up and I didn't know when I would see him again. But unlike so many of my friends who are dating, I did know that I would see him again. There wasn't any question about it. In fact, from the first time I met him, i knew I would see him again. I just knew.

Although we had kissed each other goodbye that morning, it was such a long day for both of us, that by the end of it, it seemed like weeks. I could tell he missed me. He called after I had gone to bed. He was tipsy (big surprise) and I was exhausted. So I just let him ramble on. He told me that I am the happy part in his life, and then started singing Stevie Wonder's "you are the sunshine of my life". Ok, so maybe a little more than just tipsy. He then said, "I think we are going to have a happy life together". I was half asleep and a little surprised so I just murmurred, "Thanks". I'm a moron.

He got off the phone and I went back to sleep with a big smile on my face. Just as I was drifting off, I got a text from him.

"I am soooo falling 4 u."

Okay.

A. Please refer back to one of my previous posts--not in a text, dude. Shit like that has to be said in person.
B. What are you, Prince? Spell that shit out.

I responded with, "It's about time." And then promptly fell back to sleep.

While I was driving back, we chatted on the phone. He had to be in Irvine in the morning, which would mean a wicked drive through traffic. Possibly, having to get up at 3 AM. With the time change that morning, it would just be painful. But he still wanted to have dinner with me when I got back into town. Unfortunately, i was driving straight to play volleyball. i propositioned that he come out and watch me, we go have dinner and then grab a motel in Long Beach so he would only have to drive 20 minutes to Irvine. Honestly, i didn't think he would do it, but he must have missed me and/or really wanted to avoid a shitty morning drive.

In all my five years of marriage, my husband did not once come and watch me play volleyball, even though it was a big part of my life. Having Crafty come out to watch me play meant so much. Even better, we won.

We drove down to Long Beach afterwards and got a room at a Comfort Inn. There was nothing Comfort about it unless you have just been released from prison. The whole room was suspect. We didn't even have sex. It would have felt like a conjugal visit. But we did fall asleep together and wake up holding one another, which always makes me feel so content, like maybe I could be happy doing that every morning for a long time...