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| My day off |
So I have a day off of dating before I hit the man-buffet again. Some interesting developments.
One of the guys I have been corresponding with sent me a link to a radio show he was going to be on---about porn. Apparently he is a porn model. Hmmmm, I've only emailed him, but I still feel like I need to take some penicillin.
Chemo Guy, a bald lawyer (just looked like a cancer patient, not actually one) whoI had one GREAT date with last year responded to my CL post, not knowing it was me. I sent back my photo and said, I think we had that one great date and I never heard back from you. What happened? He emailed back saying, "I guess I should have put "f---ing flake" in my profile--glad to see we are both in the trenches." What??? I responded, "Don't worry, I already posted it for you."
I had a great round of emailing with Cubs Fan, a guy from CL, last night. He made me laugh out loud which is rare for me to do from just an email. So I suggested we take it to the phone. Lovely banter. He is smart and witty, and it never feeels like he is trying too hard. But he sent me a more recent picture----oh no. Not good. Plus he's 44. I clearly state that I am 32 in my ad. I guess twelve years to a guy isn't that much of a difference, but if I meet a 44 year old single guy, I'm thinking, "hi Peter Pan". I did that with Uniball, my boyfriend before Douchebag, and it is fun, but just too exasperating in the end. However, we are still meeting for pizza on friday afternoon. At very least, I know there will be good conversation.
Got an email from Frat Boy this morning. excerpt:
Sorry about making that awkward silence, but S---- and his Mom got in the next day, making it easy to put aside. No need to worry about the friendship loss, it was built solid to weather incredible oral and great disappointment/sexual frustration. With that in mind, I hope you understand why it became so clear cut to me, whether foolish or not.
Clear. How was that clear? I don't even think it was grammatically correct!!!
I responded with:
Yeah, I knew your friend was coming into town. I hope you had a good time. I’ve had some time to think, and really I am no closer to answers.
I gotta tell you, this is totally new territory for me. I’ve not had a friend I have been so attracted to. First, I am not attracted to a lot of people. There has to be a wit, a warmth and a certain chemical attraction. It might be there initially, but usually dissipates as I get to know them—their douchebag ways or weird neuroses. With you it was exactly opposite. There was no attraction there at all, and then I weirdly found it creeping up on me. Confusing.
And then there are not many friends that I have that I enjoy talking with for hours on end. I get bored, or exasperated, or would just rather be by myself for a while. The few that I can spend a lot of time with are precious to me.
So it is strange to find this mix of attraction and ease with you. I don’t know how to deal with it.
I do know that when I recounted this story to one of my friends,at the end said, as good as the making out was (very good), his friendship was better. I would hate to lose that because of a moment of weakness.
So there it is. I’ve not been in this situation before, so I’ll have to take my cues from you. Maybe I’ll see you again and there will be no attraction. Maybe it will fade with time. Maybe it will always be there and I’ll manage it. Maybe I won’t be able to and that will be that. Maybe I will mount you like a prize Kentucky derby pony when I see you. I really couldn’t say. I’m puzzled.
But I’m all about clarity and thought you might like to know what was going on in my head.
In the end, I hope things won’t be awkward between us, that we can talk about this without discomfort, that we will be able to continue to hang out and have fun, that you will still agree to take out my garbage in exchange for a hot meal.
We'll see what he says, but honestly, we've crossed the Rubicon. Can we ever go back? Will I always want more from him? And if I do, won't that just be too painful, to always want what is out of reach? Is it really that he is so great or is it just that he is unavailable to me? So many questions and very little answers. But I have found that the more I plan in my life, the more I am disappointed, so i am just going to try to let this happen, whatever "it" will be.
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Posted by datingretard on 2008-01-17 15:44:03 | Rating: | Views: 125
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