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First Fight--Run Like Hell!

Everything has been so easy with Crafty; instant chemistry, similar senses of humor, great physical compatibility, so it took me by surprise to finally hit a speed bump. Having been out of a relationship for a while, I forgot the poisonous feelings that can arise deep inside when it feels like you are not being heard.

It started on Friday. Crafty was working and was waiting to hear what his schedule would be like after he finished that job. I had Sunday off and was hoping he would too. He had said that one of the things he wanted to do with me most was just hang out at my place with me for a whole day--no obligations, no plans. It sounded like heaven.

He gets the word that he is off for a full three days before he has to prep for his next job. I am going to go play paintball on Saturday and then go on a second date with Triathlete Lawyer that night. But I had all Sunday to lounge around with Crafty. But of course, he wants to watch the Superbowl. Now I am a big football fan (go Colts!) but truly dislike the Pats. I wasn't feeling in the mood to watch them play. (Although I did end up witnessing their embarrassing defeat by the Giants. Yay!) We playfully bantered back and forth about it. I was slightly irritated that we would have to spend part of our one day with his friends, but was going to let him convince me. So I send him a message asking where we will be watching the game and if he was going to get very drunk. I thought it was a legitimate question, since I didn't feel like babysitting a bunch of grown men vomittng pizza and beer. He sent me back a text saying " Wow. That really sounded like a girlfriend question."

That just pissed me off for some reason. First, the fact that he has such a problem with "girlfriend", like it's equivalent to saying "disease infected maggot". And secondly, that it felt like he was accusing me of nagging. I wrote him back, "Wouldn't want to awaken any weird girlfriend issues, make it seem like we are any more than the virtual strangers that we are. God Forbid" And things just went downhill from there. There was no fighting, per se. No yelling, name calling, or any of that corrosive shit that should make you want to run like hell. But the was alot of snippiness, and obviously hurt feelings. The fact that it was all via text did not help matters.

I sent him a picture of me at paintball the next day and he asked if I was on a date. I told him I wasn't and that if I was, then it would be a weird and hostile one. I called him on the way home and we spoke about random things, and nothing and all, but it felt so strained and difficult. So different than it had been before. Finally I decided to get to the root of the problemn and just address the issue.

For me, it was the fact that we don't get to see each other very often, and when he does have time off, he chooses it to spend with his friend that he lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO!!!! For him, it was that I wanted a schedule and that he couldn't give me one. Then it started to get really difficult. I brought up Douchebag and how he would do things like that to me all the time, and Crafty told me how he wasn't sure I was ready to date if I kept bringing it up, and that he feels judged about something he has nothing to do with. Fair enough. But really, I have no track record with Crafty, so what yard stick do I use to measure his behavior?

I could feel myself starting to get emotional and talk in circles. So I stopped and really tried to figure out exactly what I wanted and how to ask for it. I told him that everything started to feel uncomfortable to me after that text. It felt to me that he was so closed off to the idea of me being his girlfriend and it made me want to bolt. He in turn said that my text asking him about the drinking brought up feelings from past relationships when he would get nagging texts from girlfriends berating him for drinking or hanging out with friends. I guess we are both bringing more than just carry-on baggage into this relationship.

I really though about what I wanted and told him finally that it was time. I wanted him to commit to a period of time that he would spend with me instead of being so casual about it. And so he did.

And just like that, the dark cloud that had been hanging over us went away. We both marveled at how adult the conversation was. I think we are both used to being in tumultuous relationships. I am glad we stuck it out instead of just letting it fester.

We had lunch today. Short, but lovely. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. When I was in hawaii, there was a couple ahead of me in line at a luau and they kept kissing each other, holding hands, looking all googly eyed. I wanted to stab them in the eye with a fork. But I am totally one of those people now. Stab away. I make myself sick! But I just can't help it.