Thoughts.com Blogs - A Good Man...

...is hard to find.

Have I found him?

This week with Crafty has been so--normal. We see each other every chance we get. I know he is busy. He knows I am as well. But somehow, we manage.

It got a little hairy last thursday night. After dinner, we laid in bed and were talking about men, women, relationships. At one point he asked if it bothered me that he hadn't given me flowers yet. I told him honestly that it did bother me a little that he hadn't gotten me ANYTHING. No little token or gift, but that I would be suspicious if he was constantly buying me flowers. That feels like a game. However, I did recount to him one of my favorite stories that I heard an old man tell once. He said that throughout his many years of marriage, his wife has learned that men need their space, and so when he needs to take a walk or be on his own, she lets him. But he has learned that women need to be remembered, so whenever he does have to be by himself, he always returns with something, even if it is just a pack of gum or a pretty rock, so she knows that she was on his mind.

To me, it was a lovely story. But Crafty railed against it, saying how everything in life had to be a game. We started bickering about it until i finally turned away and closed my eyes. He couldn't understand why I was so mad. He was just playing devil's advocate, he said. Truthfully, i couldn't understand it either. I was so filled with emotion about this little thing, and usually I love a good debate.

He went out to smoke a cigarette and I started really thinking about why I was so sad. When he came back I apologized and told him that it was my own insecurities about our relationship that I was having a problem with. I hated the fact that he refers to us as "hanging out". I hated the fact that I can't call him my boyfriend. I hated the fact that he tells me how much he cares for me and is falling for me over text but never in person.

He replied that I could define our relationship however I wanted, but in the end, we were together. And that the reason why he is so affectionate via text is because he is usually working some crappy job and texting me is the only bright spot in his day.

We ended in a bit of a stalemate, both of us frustrated but wanting to understand the other's perspective. he turned on his side and went to sleep. But his hand somehow found mine and both of us drifted off holding hands.

He had to leave in a hurry the next morning and I was slightly anxious about the argument the night before. But he called later in the morning just to talk. And that night he asked me to come over to his place to spend the night, even though he had a big job the next morning. I went over, but couldn't stay. My firend was in from out of town and I had to pick her up. but we laid in his bed for an hour. I listened to him as he told me about his worries, his cluster headaches, his night terrors. And slowly he fell asleep while I stroked his hair. So often he puts up a tough front. It was nice to feel like he trusted me with his vulnerabilities.

He came ove last night to help me celebrate booking another job. And this time, he cooked. He's been telling me what a great cook he is since we first started emailing. But I had yet to see proof.

Stuffed portabellos and salmon with strawberry salsa. Yes, he is a great cook!

I've been to restaurants all over the world, have sampled food from the finest chefs, and have paid outrageous sums for a single meal. But I have to say, this one was probably one of the best. Just watching him prepare everything for me, carefully arranging it on the plate, and then tasting how delicious it was. That was a memorable meal for sure.

But beyond all of this, beyond the dates and the food and the calls--he is a good man. He is loyal, hardworking, dependable and trustworthy. It seems too good to be true.

But I am cautiously optomistic!