Well, bollox’s Lost the last  2 days of my Journal which is upsetting especially as my mac is meant to be loss proof any way I managed to loose it.

I suppose it was never meant to be heard as a lot of it was sarcastic and cynical about this place.

When in reality to day I feel much better about being here. I have just done a 3 day program called Awakening of Love with 17 people from all over the world 2 facilitator and two assistants. It was the first time I could really express every thing that I have had going on about myself and my life publicly in a very safe environment. 

It was amazingly cathartic and I have to say it was great. Today I feel peaceful at easy and much more happy about myself and actually about being hear.

This program is the intro to some thing called The Path to Love which is a week long residential program that is given in several cities around the world very popular very deep and confronting and I think that i will find out more about it.

I am on the journey to not just heal but evolve for me that mens in part take my relationship to me self to a whole new level of love compassion understanding and freedom I actually think that being here I can forward that goal.

I am still sad  not really angry with Bri she really not being nice regarding me speaking with M & E. I just cant understand that she can allow her self to be the way when it comes to our children.

I know her. I know what she has work on and letting her stuff spill out on to the children. well, I just cant get it. Our stuff has nothing to do with them she is so desperate to move things on and get it all complete like she is just irradiating me from her life like i never existed. 

Which is a sort of family trate. But I am the father of those children and she know about energy and the impact it can have.  

They are pure little beings I know that that cant last, life will contaminate them like it has for all of us. I know that they will survive our stuff, but to but that negative energy in the space of my relationship with them. To not promote my relationship with them. To not create or support our relationship like I have no idea what the kids are up to. I ask for pictures that they could send I get nothing I even hear her call Max for his dinner when I are on the phone with him.

I suppose all I can do is pray. pray for divine help and support for her.

She knows how to heal I suppose I have to wait until she is ready. that is hard when it involves my kids and I know that she is surrounded by people that could support that, why they dont I dont know. 

Any way I thought that I would never say this but I am happy really happy where I am in my Maroon rope and am getting what I need,

I have looked in to some other course’s here all to do with emotional releasing, letting go

freedom from all the anger disappointment resentment ect ect that I am carrying around in my being and in my physical body so I think that this is all good work for me to do. 

I may have have shaved my head well not completely bald but Really Don’t worry I m not becoming a Oshoer. Not by any means....But its been a while since I did this sort of work on my self and given who I am and what I do its really great to be back in touch with work on human potential and growth and participating in it and pushing my boundaries