I've never done this before but I thought it might help, telling strangers how I feel, but please don't read this because I'm just writing it for myself, so it will just be a load of rubbish and you'll all think I'm just trying to get attention or something.
Anyway, I've been self-harming for about a year and a month, and only 1 person knows I do it. She does it too, and if we talk about self-harming its always really awkward, so we never really talk about it anymore, even though sometimes I really want to. So I haven't got anyone to talk to, which I guess is why I'm confiding in a fucking internet site. If I told someone else they'd probably just try to get me to stop, and don't think I haven't tried stopping, because I have, and I still felt depressed all the time, even more depressed than when I was cutting myself every night, so I don't want to stop. Really little stupid things make me get really upset and want to hurt myself more and sometimes I just want to die. I was going to kill myself, but I'm too scared, which is typical of me because I'm so pathetic all the time. I have friends but because they don't know that I self-harm it means they don't know the real me at all... Probably a good thing, but I hate that they all think I'm a really happy person, they don't even suspect that there might be something wrong and I doubt they would even care. I get so sick of pretending to be cheerful and happy when really I'm not. It means I have to lie all the time. Like if someone asks, "How are you?" and I say. "Fine." - Its a lie because I'm not really fine at all and sometimes I take loads of painkillers, not to try and kill myself, but just because it stops me feeling anything and I can just go to sleep and not even dream, which is when I'm happiest.
That's about it...I'm not even going to bother reading through that, it's so stupid.