I just feel so pathetic and lost. It's like everyone else is rushing through life and they seem to know exactly where they are going and I'm still standing in the background not knowing what to do next.
It's hard and it shouldn't be. I hate it when people ask what have I been doing and the only answer I have is working in some boring shop, in some boring town and not having taken any step to make things better for myself.
I've got too comfortable and when I try to explain my problem to other people, they just don't get it or maybe I'm just missing the point entirely.
There are two things on my mind that would be a step in the right direction. #1 Travel. Get a work visa and head of to Australia and New Zealand for a couple of years. I'm not adverse to laborous work and poor pay and I would get to travel.
#2 Go to university. The next step in growing up, the one I should have done years ago - get myself on the career wagon and stop being such a layabout.
The thing is, I don't to wake up 30 years old and still be exactly in the same place with nothing new and exciting. I'm afraid of not changing and evolving, of being stuck in a rut and here I am - doing exactly that! Keeping myself trapped and shut off from reality.
Marriage and children have never been a huge concern to me - for a start I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it and I doubt anyone would want to marry me anyway. I've become quite content with knowing I'll always be alone, just me and myself.
People always say 'Life's a surprise, you never know what's around the corner' and I don't believe that for one second. Maybe for some people, opportunities just appear from nowhere - but for the majority of people I would have to say actually work damn hard to get the things they want in life.
I don't know, maybe I'm just sitting around waiting for an epiphany to jump up and bit me on the ass - waiting for my life to get started. Thing is, I'm an adult now and nothing so far has happened. I seem to be waiting for the opportunities to come to me - when really I should probably be out there looking for them. But where exactly am I supposed to start looking?