I text him last night - I know!!! Against everything I said I would not do and I've gone and done it again. I suppose the difference this time is that I'm not after his attention, I just want to explain myself - tell him the truth if he is willing to hear it.
I simply said that I was sorry for any awkwardness on Saturday night, but that I had not expected to see him there and that I would like to explain myself, if he wanted me to and that it was up to him.
His reply was a simple "Can do. All ears".
Anyway, it never quite got to me saying anything worth saying, which is irritating because it kind of gives the impression that I'm just playing around and I'm not. But it's difficult to be honest with someone who doesn't really give a shit and even harder given that I very rarely tell anyone anything really personal.
I'm doing this for my own peace of mind, to set things straight. Bring balance to my life and re-align my karma lol.
I won't deny that I do wish that he would actually care, that he would like me. But I have no hope on that front. Plus I have to do this because the most poignant thing is that I might want to go to the same university he is currently at - no, not because he is there.
It's a good university and the course is really, really good and I wanted to go there a while back, long before I met him. I would go regardless of what he or anyone else thinks - but you know, I don't want that stigma attatched to it. I'm a selfish person. The things I do are to benefit myself and that does sound bad, but you know what - thats how it has to be.
Anyway, I can't let this get to me. I asked him to text me tomorrow or whenever he has time so that I can tell him, but I really don't think he will text me. I'm not going to text him. I figure that if he wants to know then he will text me first, but I'm pretty sure that he won't. He doesn't give a fuck and to be honest, the opinion of someone who does not care about me means very little to me in the long run of things. Why put myself out for someone like that.
So basically, anything he says is being taken as literally as it is said. I'm taking mislead hope, or misreading things to mean something else or even that he cares by responding to me. He's only doing it to be polite if anything, try to get me to go away.
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