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Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years in October. He is in the Navy and will be leaving on cruis around September of next year. He has recently brought to me the idea of getting married before he leaves so we can rack up some extra money while he is away. From my understanding we will receive money for us being married, and money for him being away from me. Now, the deal is that we will not REALLY be married, just on paper so we can start saving all that for when we actually DO get married. It sounds like a great idea to the both of us. We don't need that money for a house or bills because we are not living together and when we do get married it will be easier on the both of us because we will have that head start. We don't plan on marrying for another 4 years at the VERY LEAST. I have weighed the pros and cons and i am still a little iffy with it all. It's a very big decision!
Cons:
-If my dad found out he would go crazy. He would not understand that it was just to save some extra money and would be very angry that i have been lying to him. But i couldn't tell him; he wouldn't let me do it.
-I don't want it to take away from my actual marriage. I don't consider myself married until I get married in the church but still...the act of actually going to the courthouse and grabbing the papers, that is something special in it's own. I would really have to seperate myself from the fact that we are legally married.
- My dad cannot find out!!!
-something I don't want to think about, but what if we don't actually get married? it's a long shot, we are both very determined people, but we are not naive. over half of marriages end in divorce....I don't want to have to get an annulment. How weird. But this is very unlikely....I can't think like this. I can't put doubts into my head. You have to be strong to make a relationship work and although you can't be naive about the realities of relationships nowadays, I can't afford to doubt us ONE BIT.
Pros:
- A big reason why so many couples don't make it is because of money issues. If we had this bit of saving then that would be one less thing to worry about. I would have debts from school and he would be bringing home a navy paycheck...not exactly the big bucks.
-If we DON'T get married, which is unlikely but always a possibility yadda yadda, I will be receiving half of the booty no matter what...not really why I'm doing it but always a good thing I guess.
-his mom fully supports us. She was actually the one to think of the idea and she thinks it will really help us.
- I want to do it.
I guess I really just need to do what I want. I mean, this is my future with someone who I love and if it will help us then it is worth doing. I am tired of thinking what others would say to it, if it is morally wrong or a desecration to marriage..whatever. Because if over half of marriages end in divorce then it doesn't seem very sacred to me. If the Navy is handing out money then I am taking it! I hate to say it and I never truly believed it, but to some extent, money does make the world go round! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend, and I will do whatever it takes to make suret that we have the best life possible, and at the very least, a fighting chance at making it!
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Posted by danyell on 2007-09-17 10:49:39 | Rating: | Views: 559
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pro: money rocks
cons: getting married for money is stupid
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Posted by
on 2007-09-18 03:46:40
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yeah i know it's stupid and i thought it was stupid when someone told me about it earlier. but as long as i don't think about it as actually getting married, just being CONTRACTUALLY BOUND, then in my mind it's okay. lol thanks for the comment, i guess i shouldn't take the matter so lightly but no point in freaking out! ha!
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Posted by danyell
on 2007-09-18 09:19:52
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Ok, from someone who was both in the Navy and married to military. Here are the pro's and con's of what you propose to do.
Pro's:
Less money issues
Medical insurance
If something happens to him (hope not but if it does) You are taken care of and/or able to be at his side during recovery.
Cons:
You ARE married...it is not fake, if you decide you want a divorce it is expensive.
It makes a mockery of the vows you take to not consider them real.
If your parents find out you are lying to them they will be disappointed beyond belief.
If the military finds out (and you are no longer together)....you can be prosecuted. His career will be over...and all for some cash. Then besides paying the money back, you are looking at jail time.
Now, if you want to marry him, but continue with the "I am engaged" right now...you need to clue in your parents. The logic is sound as it is a real relationship. Your parents cannot stop you unless you are underage. Explain that this is what you want so you are able to start out your lives after your church wedding with the best possible chance. Tell them that while this is just a paper wedding, you want them there with you for support and because it still means something to be saying those vows. etc etc.
If you are getting married, that is an adult thing to do...that means you need to act like one with your family and not deceive them. Good luck whatever you chose!
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Posted by beautifultrouble
on 2007-09-19 12:58:08
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thank you for your input! I think that it's always been a hard thing to act like an adult with my parents because they themselves don't see me as one. I understand your pros and cons and they both weigh so heavily that it's hard for me to make this decision. Thank you again, and my boyfriend and I will continue to think this through!
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Posted by danyell
on 2007-09-20 05:55:09
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