45985 Blog Feed: dabaddestbitch 2008-07-08 15:07:03 dabaddestbitch Your e-mail address 107123 2008-06-09 20:24:02 105698 2008-06-05 20:34:11
by the way i did it i finally graduated last night......im the only on in my family thats got a diploma.... i so wish my aunt could have been there to see me.... in my gown... and cap....but she wasnt and couldnt..... ]]> 102448 2008-05-28 22:37:20 today was going iight.... till i dont know when... but i feel forgotten by alot of my friends.....
and the guy i like doesn't really talk to me at all..... i asked him if he was scared to fall in love and he said "I think..." i really like him but i dont wanna wait for sumone who is afraid to let their guard down..... i know i wouldnt never hurt him... but *Sighs* i dont know.... im really considerin moving back to ohio..... cuz i know i got friends down there that dont forget about me or make me feel forgotten..... i dont know maybe its that time of the month im not sure.. cuz im on DEPO so i dont have that time of the month but i still have all the symptoms as if i were on it..... im just so confused on what i should do.... my heart tells me one thing and my brain another..... i guess im just scared that if i go i might be making a mistake.. and the same if i stay.......... im so stressed right now..... and i got noone to talk to about it either..... ]]> 100361 2008-05-23 14:49:21
can anyone guess...well it was the worse news i've heard... today was my last day at school im out for good im bout to graduate.. he calls to tell me that there's nothing the doctors can do for my aunt...who has cancer they have tried everything... nothing is working.... they have tried to srtpngest kemo...radiation.. nothing is working... and that we will just have to wait for her to die....
i somewhat knew that this was coming.... i just didnt want to admit it to myself...i cant believe this is happing... its been a year or less... since my grandpa died..... i dont want her to go but i know its envable... i am going to go see her as soon as i graduate... right after my open house im leave to go straight down there then im staying there for atleast 2 weeks.. my day was going soooo good till i got that call... i tried as hard as i could to hold back my tears in the car... cuz nani's bf tyler was there... he asked if i was okay and i told him yea...but im not... i need someone to talk to .... my best friend is gone to cali... so im alone in my time of need...... ]]> 100058 2008-05-22 20:59:13
and i wish my dad would come to my graduation... i ahvent seen him in atleast a year... he promised.. he never keeps his promises and that hurts the most... one of the biggest days in my life and he's not gonna be there for me:( thats all i really wanted for graduation was him and my grandma and my aunt to come see me but i understand my aunt cant make the trip.... this sucks...

i'm always the one going to see him he's only come to get me 2 times once to visit and once for my grandpa's funurel.... atleast i got my mom and my friends if any of em go.... i never thought i would make it this far....i cant wait untill someday when i find someone and get married... and he says he cant make it... cuz i REFUSE to have my mother's new husband walk me down the isle... he's a CHOMO.....



i dont get whats so wrong with me that my own dad wont even come... i never did anything to him... he's the one who walked out on me when i was 6... not my fault
]]> 99479 2008-05-21 14:56:33
hmmm.... i got 3 more days then im outa school for good..... i got this guy i like and he likes me but we r taking things slow.... which is nice but at the same time it sucks too....(if anyone knows what im talkin bout)...
im happy yet im scared to graduate.... i dont wanna leave the people at me school behind..... but i wanna move out n to da real world for once... and get a REAL job and do things on my own..... not have to rely on my brother and mom for stuff like i am now.... its scary to think about stuff like this... although its always been on my mind for a long time now.

as soon as i can get a job justin wants NANI to take over babysittin jayjane .... today i got to go to mom and ask for money for gas cuz im on E and gas prices r fuckin reduclous!!!!!!! i hate our econmey its fallin and fallin fast..... i wanna do something but whats one voice? and at that i wouldnt know what to do in the first place to start off.. any input? pls dont hessiate ]]> 99021 2008-05-20 15:07:59 al i can picture is da color of his eyes.. and the way he makes me smile i aint felt dis in awhile....
and I GOT 4 MO DAYS DEN IM  OUTA SCHOOL FOR GOOD!!!! yes.... im so happy right now its not funny.....


finally my life is on track now all i need is a job lol and more sex lol;) ]]> 98701 2008-05-19 18:45:22
okay...
where to start... i dont know but all i know is that i really like this guy alot......
but my dumbass fucked it up (i think)..... i wish i wouldnt have..... i have a feeling that he dont want nothing to do with me and thats all my fault.... cuz this time i didnt assume we were together i assumed he didnt like me like that.... i wasnt sure and maybe i should have asked but i didnt know what to say.... i hope he still likes me but i doubt it..... cuz i fucked up..... like i always do.... (What else is new) depending on what he says may determin if i go away back to ohio...... cuz i like him alot and if he says he dont want anything to do with me then im gone..... but if not then ill stay.... i dont wanna stay for someone who dont want nothing to do with me....... i would stay if he just asked me to if he cared.........

i didnt think anything of it i thought we were just friends...... im staying for just a friend i want more....... and i've tried so manytimes to find more here and i never thought i would..... before i met him i was sad... and just didnt care anymore..... when i met him i had a smile on my face all the time.... i have a smile on my face now just thinking about him...... *Sighs* i dont know what to do...... i'm gonna stay cuz i like him alot.......i jus.........
]]> 98217 2008-05-18 14:08:37
i'm missing something and i need to figure out what im missing.....maybe someone to love...and im not going to find that here..... i've tried...god only know how i've tried.....just doesnt work for me

maybe its the way i look or how i act i dont know i just wish somone would tell me..... so i atleast know whats wrong with me..... y i am so unloveable anymore....... im tired of this place... all i do anymore is cry and be depressed and when i find someone i like.... all i get is used.. am i to nice...to trusting? i dont know anymore...ill figure it out soon though...hopefully*Sighs* and *Crys* ]]> 96123 2008-05-12 23:34:39
i met this guy......georgus eyes......cute smile

kind....sweet.....we talk all the time when he's online. I'm likin him alot.....*Smiles* it's been awhile since anyone has treated me so kindly and so sweet...... and could make me smile and laugh all the time.

i havent felt like this in a long long time... theres only one bad part about it. He lives far away...... *Frowns* but he can still make me smile just by lookin at his cam.. His eyes r so beautiful i get lost in them sometimes when we are talkin.. i forget what we were talkin about..*Giggles* I think im Starting to fall in love.... not sure if i should or not....scared i guess. a little........ but i want to so badly.... *Sighs* I dont know......all i know is i like him alot and he makes me feel loved for once in my life......im happy all the time... im not depressed, sad, or lonely anymore.. im likeing it alot

i just hope it doesn't go away....ever *Smiles*
]]> 95180 2008-05-10 00:11:17 okay i had some fun.............. but when the slow songs came on i felt left out...........
i was dateless to say the least..... tyler (nani's boyfriend) trying to get me to dance on one of the slow songs but i just didnt wanna dance with him cuz like it just wasnt right i know hes a friend and he just wanted me to be happy....... i just wish someone would have asked me to dance.... it would have been nice ya know.... i had plenty of ppl tell me i looked pretty. but yet noone wanted to dance with me........... am i really that bad of a person? am i really that ugly? oh well i guess..... ill never find that someone... ]]> 94115 2008-05-07 08:49:48 Prom is Friday  and i need a plan............. or to make a plane cuz i need to get my nails done ............. fake tan lol.................hair did......... and everything else.
ugh i need to talk to my mom and make this plan and soon i dont want to be running around like a chicken with it's head cut off..... wll mary jo is yelling so ill brb laterz
 

]]> 93708 2008-05-06 09:05:57 I got up late for school again today but atleast today i came cuz i got some sort of money thanks to my mom.....
i dont know what i would do with out her sometimes.............

So I cant wait for this weekend Its Prom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im Bringing Jason Caveman Jason if anyone was wondering lol whoo ohhhh but only as a friend so he can see everyone again...... ]]> 93582 2008-05-05 23:54:31 today i didnt go to school cuz i didnt have enough gas i was on E... i fucking HATE GAS PRICES they r reduclous..... we need a new president..... or the fucking gov't should fucking step in...... cuz not everyone can affored fuckin 3.69 a gallon ya no im sure alot of ppl agree with me if u do give me ur input.....
i only make 100 a week i got car insureance i hate this if they would just lower it i think i would be able to make it through the week....

i hate not being able to have enough gas to even go to school..... i NEED TO FUCKING GRADUATE THIS YEAR...... its my last yr..... well last yr should have been my last one but i dropped out so i went back and i cant afford these gas prices
*GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
can some one tell me y it is when we get a Good president in office they kill him but when we get a DUMB one they let him ruin our fuckin country
?/???????
]]> 92369 2008-05-01 23:48:50 i have no idea where to start..... I'm mad at a couple of my friends... I just feel left out of stuff.......And right now I'm mad at everyone.........Friends, Family, Doctors............Everyone in my path. I'm tired of pretending.....Everything is okay,My tears are Starting to show...and my smile....is fading away. I'm Dealing with alot right now and i don't know how to hold my anger in without taking it out on everyone else.......*Crys*..... I'm loosing grip.........I'm loosing everyone around me.....some im loosing cuz of my own stupidity. Some.......... to things i cant control or help or do anything about............But i so deeply whish i could.  I wish i could go back in time and Change things but i can't and it sucks so much.  I'm a girl who is broken.......And Keeps breaking everyday more and more with every Phone call i get. ............I don't know where i went wrong in life so far......... i've got only 15 more days left as a senior in high school..........I should be excited.........But i'm not, i have nothing to be excited for.........Why do i feel so depressed all the time.........Thats all i feel anymore..........rarely ever feel REAL happiness. I may look happy but deep inside i'm not.............It's just a front so people won't ask whats wrong..........Cus i dont want to tell em'.  I don't want people to get close to me... cuz i'm afraid if people do get close and i let my guard down either i will get hurt............or i will end up hurtin them first so i dont get hurt.. Maybe thats why my longest relationship only lasted 10 months. I've been single for a year and some months now.......It doesn't get easier or any funner....It gets lonelyer, sader..... And u feel alone all the time.. I hate being single.... but i can't let my guard down enough for someone to hurt me again.... I'm scared to let anyone in.......Scared of getting hurt,betrayed, played. and everything else that comes with it. But i do relize that if I don't eventually let it down and take the chance.............i'll never find love................*Sighs* ]]> 92235 2008-05-01 15:21:55 92194 2008-05-01 13:32:37 today i got up late for school like normal....... i really didn't want to come to school because i dont want to see anybody or talk to abybody at all either . .........I am Frustrated,Confused, And Angry!!!!!......... I don't know why either.  I am going to sam's this weekend cuz i got no other plans......i cant afford to go to ohio like i wanted to and behsides i dont have anyone to go with me........ but then again it would be nice to just go by myself so i can prove to ppl i can do things by my self and i DON'T NEED anyone to go with me. But like normal i will probably be broke....... and u need money to go somewhere. I am going to prom with Taylor And Sam, Then After wards we r going back to sam's house to party, and i get to ride horseies yeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!!  and Saturday im thinking about taking jaylee to sam's cuz sam has got a couple of minture horseies too. that should be fun i think jaylee would love to ride one of em'. ..............Anyways.......... Right now im not talkin to nani.............I think i'll just let her spend all of her time with him........... That way she can't say she dont fucking spend ehouhg fucking time with him..... till i feel like talkin to her again wich probably wont be untill she comes back from her trip................i will hang with other ppl from school......and have a good time.......*Sighs* I'm done for now untill then........ ]]> 91674 2008-04-29 22:03:38 91314 2008-04-28 22:12:12 *sighs*
Why is it that when a guy e-mails me its to get to know me and cus he just wants a piece of ass, althoguh i never give it to em' cuz i dont know em' and thats not what i want. Why do  guys treat gurl's like they r paper plates they use them then throw em' away? Can anyone tell me that one? If guy's knew how it felt maybe it woudl be different but i DOUBT it. cuz its the crooked ones who turn nice gurls like me crooked, which then turns another good guy crooked, its just a big fuckin chain. ugh i dont get it, and i probably nevea will, oops on my part i guess. Im not going to take the time to Get it anymore. Not worth it to find a crooked guy. ]]> 91109 2008-04-28 10:35:16 think iv'e lost my self somewhere along the way to where i'm at. i'm not sure anymore if i'm being me, or someone i think people will like. i've lost my self esteam, my confidence, my happiness, my laughter, my smile. i don't know who i am anymore. i never used to be this person i am now, i actually used to care for people, i used to love like i would never love again, but i guess somewhere along the way i've been hurt so much, i've lost everything i once was at one point in time. i do have two very true friends, but sometimes i wonder how long it will last, how long they will be there, when will they leave or when i will leave them. i'm scared that i will never find the person i used to be, i think she is gone for good. i'm afraid i will let everyone down, like i've done so many times before. I hope i can find my self before my neice gets old enough to understand everything, i want her to look up to me, cuz her mom's not here for her, she's only got 3 women figures in her life me, my mother, and nani. But she will understand soon enough. Hopefully i'll find my self soon, or just be the person i dred to be. ]]>