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| Radio Play: Deb Cotton - A Pickle of a Case
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[SPEECHES SUCH AS THIS FIRST ONE ARE DEBORAH’S “INNER-MONOLOGUE”. HER CHARACTER NAME IS UNDERLINED IN THE INSTANCES IN WHICH THESE SPEECHES OCCUR THROUGHOUT]
Deb:
So there I was again, sitting alone in the dark. It seems to be my favorite thing to do now. To escape from the real world – the world of deadlines and taxes, of lonely apartments and resentful cats, a world of nosy friends and nosier relatives wondering why one would ever choose to live alone so far from home. [SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH] Yes, to escape all that to a place where no one is there to judge or scold me, only entertain me. I love sitting alone in the dark with a roomful of strangers. Strangers who could be from anywhere and could have done anything prior to joining my company. And there we sit, all facing in the same direction, made same by silhouette, ready and willing to succumb to the pleasures of –
Usher:
S’cuse me miss. Do you have a ticket?
Deb:
Ooh, that’s bright!
Usher:
Sorry miss. Got to use the torch in here. Do you have a ticket? Had a lot of teenagers sneakin’ in lately without payin’. ‘Course you’re hardly a teenager are ya?
Deb:
He should have taken that flashlight and rammed it through my chest.
Deb:
It’s alright. Yes I have a ticket. [NOISE OF RUMMAGING THROUGH HER PURSE] It is here somewhere.
Usher:
In your own time miss, I’ve got an entire theatre to inspect.
Deb:
Of course. I can’t seem to find it, but I did buy a ticket – you can ask the guy at the box office. I’ve been to see it six times already so I’m sure he would remember me.
Usher:
You’ve been to see this movie six times already? And you’re here again? [LAUGHING]
Deb:
Yeah, well I like it.
Usher:
Look, if you can’t find it you’ll need to move along, miss.
Deb:
Oh no…really?
Usher:
Move along please miss.
Deb:
And so he actually kicked me out of the movie theatre. I couldn’t believe it. I’d never been kicked out of anything. On my way out I tapped on the glass of the box office window to see if indeed the guy recognized me. Just for some vindication – after being thrown out like the rambunctious teen I am so obviously not. [SOUND OF TAPPING ON GLASS]Hello? [SPEAKS INTO THE HOLE IN THE WINDOW] He-, Hello?[SOUND OF PHONE KEYS BEING TYPED] Apparently he doesn’t have enough time outside of his job to text every, other teenager in London. [SOUND OF TRAFFIC, STREET NOISE] Seeing as how I had already blown my weekly entertainment allowance, all ten pounds of it, I decided against trying to see Daniel again and for taking a walk home instead – since I also did not have subway fare it only made sense. [HONKING; TRAFFIC NOISES]What’s it to him if I’ve seen the movie six times? So what if I am single-handedly assisting the Broccolis in the funding of the second Daniel-Craig-as-James-Bond movie? For the amount of pleasure the first one has brought into my life, it’s worth it. I will see it six more times if I want to. I mean I identify with him, well the character. Here I am, new to the city of London, in a new job, alright a temp job – but it’s new. And I have to struggle to prove myself or die trying. I am inspired by his sheer determination, his confident prowess, his impertinent charm, his rock-hard, tanned body that looks warm and soft despite his cold stare...[LOUD HONK] (TO DRIVER) Hey! (TO HERSELF) I’m pathetic. How did I get here?
[SOUND EFFECT TO IMPLY FLASHBACK]
John:
Come on, Debbie, London is great! It’s just like New York only they talk prettier, like me. Admit it, it’s what won you over.
Deb:
I don’t know Johnny it’s so far away from my family, my friends -
John:
Oh, come on, Deb. New York is too expensive. I can’t find work here.
Deb:
What about that job Alex referred you to?
John:
Oh, uh, that didn’t work out. Look, Deb, I’ve got family over there. We’ll have somewhere to stay until we find our own place. You can adopt one of those fake accents like Madonna, come on!
Deb:
John, so, you want us to get our own place?
John:
[PAUSE] Yeah baby, sure. Our own place.
[BACK TO PRESENT]
Deb:
Oh, that poor, stupid girl. She believed him. I, I believed him – I believed that we would move to a glamorous new city and make a cozy home together. Now, here I am, only a few months later, living in rainy London by myself, like a dog. [BEAT] Well, I’ve done okay though, I got my own apartment.
[SOUND EFFECT TO IMPLY FLASHBACK]
Bldg. Caretaker:
I’ll be honest with you love. It’s got no fridge, no washing machine, -
Deb:
No sink.
Bldg. Caretaker:
You’re a vigilant one ain’t ya? No sink but you feel free to go out and get one on your own. I don’t mind if you install one at all. It’ll be our little secret.
Deb:
I’ve got my own job...
[SOUNDS OF BARKING, MEOWING, ETC.]
Pete:
So you have experience working with animals, yeah?
Deb:
Yes, absolutely yes, I love animals, all animals.
Pete:
Mm, mm. [PAUSE] Alright, I don’t usually do this but I’ll give you a chance.
Deb:
Oh, really? That’s, great!
Pete:
I’ll take you on a temporary basis until we see if you’re gonna work out. Zed is rather picky. [SOUND OF PETE TAPPING ON GLASS] He doesn’t get on with just anyone, does he? Does my pretty boy?
Deb:
Zed?
Pete:
He’s just here, the big baby - my tarantula.
Deb:
(SCARED TO DEATH) Very, big spi-!
[SOUND OF THUMP TO INDICATE DEBBIE HITTING THE FLOOR AS SHE FAINTS]
Deb:
And do you know Mr. Pickle was still nice enough to give me a shot after I fainted on him? So what if I choose to go see a movie multiple times? – it’s a good one. And so what if I call an actor by his first name, someone I don’t know and someone who I will never, ever meet in my entire life? So what? I’m respecting his abilities as an artist. [PAUSE] And as a hunk. My mom says I always fall in love with the men in the posters, with characters in movies. She says ‘When are you gonna fall for a real man, flesh and blood?’ I guess when one shows up on my doorstep, Mother.
[MORE HONKING AND YELLING FROM DRIVER]
Driver:
Outta the way, love, come on!
[IN DEB’S BUILDING: SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS]
Deb:
[BREATHING HARD AS SHE SPEAKS THESE LINES] You know I really lucked out to get this apartment. Of course it has its quirks [PITTER PATTER AND SQEAKING OF MICE] Eiek!!! (TO HER HERSELF) No, okay, I’m bigger than they are. But it is really good for what I pay. And it’s mine. I am never, ever being dependent upon a relationship again. From here on in I am an independent woman, I am Brigitte Bardot, I am Gloria Steinbrenner, wait, what- is-her-name? I am...
[SOUND OF KEYS AND OPENING OF DOOR]
Deb:
Aiiiyyy!
[SOUND OF DEBBIE TRIPPING AND LANDING HARD]
Deb:
Well, they say, be careful of what you ask for. [DRAMATIC MUSIC CUE] Of course when I thought of a man being at my doorstep before he was always Daniel Craig…and he was alive. Instead of bleeding and dead -, instead of beaten and -oh, God...
[THUD AS SHE FAINTS]
[LATER THAT EVENING: SOUND OF POLICE MILLING ABOUT HER APT, POLICE RADIOS, ETC.]
Police-woman:
So, you don’t know the man’s name. Had you ever seen him before?
Deb:
No. As I said he just appeared at my door, or rather when I opened the door he was lying in the door, in the doorway, dead and I tripped out – tripped over him and passed out. I have no idea how he got there or who he is. But if he stays much longer I’m gonna start charging him rent. [LAUGHS EMBARRASSINGLY]
Police-woman:
And how do you know he was dead?
Deb:
Because he had no pulse?
Police-woman:
So you took his pulse?
Deb:
Yes, as soon as I regained consciousness.
Police-woman:
So you fainted?
Deb:
Ye-es. Did I not say that already or am I hallucinating?
Police-woman:
Just want to make sure we get all the facts straight, miss. So you say you are hallucinating. Are you on any medications, any known narcotics?
Deb:
And so it went with Jane Tennison for the next few minutes. Until she was finally convinced I had nothing to do with the murder of said strange man who had decided to die in my doorway. Or did he? Or was she? Convinced, I mean that I was innocent. I must look pretty guilty being an American, less than a year in the country. Ha, like I would move across the Atlantic just to ice some guy. See, I know what ‘ice’ means! But I have established employment at a reputable animal retail establishment, and I have established residence and...
[DIAGLOGUE FADES OUT TO ESTABLISH TIME ELASPING]
[LATER THAT NIGHT IN POLICE STATION]
[DIALOGUE COMES BACK IN]
Deb:
...established employment at a reputable animal retail establishment, Pickle’s Pets. I have established residence in a reputable part of town, ok, well, I have established residence and I have been to reputable parts of town. I really like Notting Hill, I saw that in a movie and wanted to go there. Oh, and I bought a Swatch Watch at Harrod’s.
DCI Yarborough:
Miss, please, calm down. I understand you are nervous. We appreciate your willingness to provide us with, uh, ample information. However, it is vital that we stick to only the facts that are necessary to the case.
Deb:
Of course. I am sorry. I am nervous. Well, you said that. Sorry.
DCI Yarborough:
If I could ask once again, did you know this man?
Deb:
No.
DCI Yarborough:
Was he familiar to you in any way? Even just as someone you passed on the street? Someone who came into your place of work –
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Posted by cynthiapierce on 2007-09-06 02:40:24 | Rating: | Views: 118
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Very good my dear, Lets make it a cut over today gone thanks for the trip,onon start over tomorrow, thank you
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Posted by shellyme
on 2007-09-06 07:56:37
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