41661 Blog Feed: cutsneverleave 2008-10-06 23:10:51 cutsneverleave Your e-mail address 160121 2008-10-06 23:13:51 Officer, Singleton ...
                                                                           


                                                                                                     10-6-08
                                                                                                       Love,,,
                                                                                                      M.Catherine ]]> 138603 2008-08-15 23:49:16 My razor ,its so beatuiful
the blad is cold
against my bare skin ,
the razoris sharp against delict skin,
the frist drop landed on my knee ,
it cuts almost by its self
Drop number 2 and 3 fall together
it was a relife to see it slowly fllowing or some times alot or just a little bit
but i am alive i dont want to die i just want to live
i know that im alive
i am here
i throw my razor
i just want it to go away how did it become mine in the frist place


i am alive

]]> 138601 2008-08-15 23:40:17 every night befor she went to bed she prayed that she would have a better day she hoped that he wouldnt come home mad she was not suprised that next day he was mad she could hear him saying bad things and wishing he was dead he always took it out on her after awhile he stoped coming home mad that same night things went way way wrong he lost his job she heard him slam the car door shout she started to cry that night he came in her room and picked her up and throw her aginst the wall she heard her arm snap in the middle of the night she got up and told her self that he will not control me she took the razor to his throt but she felt so gilty for doing such a thing she took the razor to her wrist and went to far ...

]]> 115892 2008-06-28 16:37:48 Beautiful Release


Watch the blood trickle down
blade glitters red
Little slashes of heart ache
carved into the flesh
Release from the anguish
little sharp pain
To cover the pain in my heart
Release
Release
For only a few moments
Till the memories come back
Bittersweet...then bitter...
The kisses
The promises
The dreams
The embraces
Your sweet warm face
Your eyes as you told me...
You told me you don't love me anymore
The thought of you loving another
Pain
Pain
Rushing back through my veins
Tears burn my cheeks
Rush to hide from the many eyes
...
watch the blood trickle down
blade glitters red
Little slashes of heartache
carved into flesh
Release
Release
But only for a few moments ...
]]> 96918 2008-05-14 19:24:11 Precious Metal


Oh! Hello there precious metal.
When did you get here?
And can you relieve the stress
From those I held so dear?
Just slip across the surface.
A quick sting and release.
A tinge of blood and a line
To put my mind at ease.
Peer down a while later.
Clean with a bold streak.
How lovely, but I know I should stop.
Yet I'm sure that I'm too weak.
Hello again precious metal.
I have a new bracelet from you!
What a pleasant little gift.
Perhaps one more will do...
Read between the lines,
Names are written bold.
My precious metal's souvenir
For no one to behold.
Go now precious metal,
I think you need a rest.
I'll be fine without you.
Or at least I'll do my best.
Hello precious metal.
Now look at what we've done.
I know that I should stop now,
But I've already begun.
Please precious metal,
Relieve me of my pain.
You may give a quick sting,
But I'm too numb from disdain.
Come here precious metal.
It's our time alone.
No one must know about us,
From reactions of who I've shown.
Oh precious metal,
Look how you've addicted me so.
Those were one too many blood drops,
It's time for you to go.
Oh hello there precious metal.
How is it that you've been?
Myself, I'm perfect lately.
And the scars are wearing thin.
I'm finding myself smiling more.
I have other ways to deal.
Now I use less hazardous things
So I can let myself heal.
Hello there precious metal.
I have no more use for you.
Goodbye forever precious metal.
I'm finally through with you.
]]> 96895 2008-05-14 17:44:49 5-14-08


Today was better because i went to Ms.Bell and told her that im sorry about the other day ,and i am sorry for gitting so mad at her .She siad that she undrestood why i was mad and that it was ok .And after that i showed her some of my pomes , but i need to work on think of happyer things to put in the pomes other then cutting and such then later that day at lunch i had to at the detention table for running in the hals and as i walked in the lunch room i saw Ms.Singleton sittng at the other table and i was like great jst what i need and she had called me over to sit next to her and just talk and such and she had asked me how i was doing and stuff i was like im good and she was like thats good how is your friend and i was like i really dont know and she was like is she cutting and i was like i think she might be im not sure though and she was like ok ill have to talk to her .then she asked me if i liked anybody in the school and i was like yeah i like this one guy his name is jupiter ,and she thought it was a nick name or something no thats his name .....But i wanted to talk to her about something im not going to say what it was but yeah and i also wanted to show her some of the pomes that i wrought this past week and such but i never did git the chance to show her but illl show them to her tommrow though and maybe even ask her how to tell my mom the real reason i started cutting but what ever ]]> 94309 2008-05-07 20:20:46 Wensday,May,7,2008

        Today i turned in my note book to my mentor andi dint think nothing about what i put in it and when i frist ment her she siad what ever you put in this note book noody else will see it but me ok and i was cool with that bacuase my teacher had shown the school police officer ,and then today i gave the note book to her ok and about two three weeks ago i had told the school officer that my friend was cutting and i had put in the book that i felt really bad for telling on her ,but i did it cuz i care about her and whatever and then  i know im being caled up to the office and im like oh god what did i do now and the worst thoughts are going through my head and i dont know wht to think at this point and im flipping out ok and sure enough i walk back to the office and the school officer is standing in the office and im like oh shit i hope im not going in that office and guess what i went in that office and my heart is in my throut and so i sit down and im like why am i here and she was like what is this note about and im like what note and it was about that i wanted to cut and all that and how i felt so bad for teing on my friend and i was like well where did you git that and she was like thats not the point and i was like i want to know where it came from and i remmbered that i gave my mentor my note book and i was like now i remmber my note book that i gave to her and the officer was like if you start cutting againg you know what is going to happend right and i was like yes i know and she was like what would happen i had siad ''that i would be backeracked againg and i would posible be in there for longer then three days and i didnt want to go back their and it just makes me so mad that i know that i did something to make some one so mad cuz my friends sister in law was gitting in my face abot it and was like its none of your bissniss what she is doing and stay out of it and all that or whatever  and i just feel so bad i know i should feel better but i dont and i just wan to feel a razor going through my skin i know it doesnt make anthing better ,but it makes me feel that i can do anthing i set my mind to and just it makes it all seem so much better and all the bad things go away .

]]> 76513 2008-03-18 19:34:03 it all started in January i had became depressed and i really dont know why i think its from friends and family and skool and popple gitting to me .i started cuttung on my left arm and after a while i got used to it and i started cutting every night and not even a mounth later i was called in to my coloncers office and my resorse officer was on her way in and i was like whats going on and she had asked me if i was cutting my arms again ((this was the 2ed time i cut))) and i siad yes i am and they asked me if they could see my armes and i showed them and i had alos gave my teacher a suicide note thats what made them call me up there anyway so my resorse officer bakeracked me and i stayed in the hospital for 3 days 72hrs and thats when they put me on prozaca antidepressent and i felt a little better but i really dont feel any better anymore i may need a higher dose of it but i started cutting again and i got caought like always so onec again i was up in the office and thank god they didnt backeredacke me again and after that i ended up cutting again so it went on and on but now i havent been cutting as much and i think it was like 2 weeks ago that i had went and talked to the skool officer and i told her that i have beeen thinking about cutting again but i wasnt cutting i wanted to realllly bad and she was really glad that i came out and told whats been on my mind and she called my mom and told her that i need to be whached tonight and like not even 3 days later she got an anonamoscall saying i was cutting again but i was'ent cutting so that happend (but thats really all for right now ill be back with more to tell you and yeah) im back yeah its been a while and i have some thing for you well i was cleaning my room one night and i was gitting stuff out from under my bed and i had found a razor and i didnt know what to do with it and i had deiced to give it to my skool officer and i think she was gonna grab it but guess not and she had siad to through it in the trash and i had hesitated for a moment because i didnt want to throught it away and it was really hard for me to do that and the reasson i haad gave it to the skool officer is because i was scared to give it to my mom because i didnt waant her to be like are you cutting again and then it would turn in to a big fight and i didnt want that and it seems like me and my mom are always fighting and i will always leave for skool mad or go to bad mad i dont know why but we always have some kind of fight and its really stupide that we do that ........but ill be back with more sooon Ok im back i have been doing good at this point you dont even know how bad i want to cut it kills me that  i cant do it i want to die right now sooooooo bad i cant even explain how bad it feels to not be able to do the one and only thing that makes everything so much simpler to do and i just really wish i could and another thing i have to deal with is the fact that my tacher has moved to texas and thats the teacher i gave the siucide note to and she is gone now i have no one at all to talk to and its just not fair i told her everything that i felt that i have thought of i mean i loved going to school just to go to her class .But i guess im just gonna have to git over it and move on ....ill be back with more to tell you soon . ]]>