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cuts will kill you

it all started in January i had became depressed and i really dont know why i think its from friends and family and skool and popple gitting to me .i started cuttung on my left arm and after a while i got used to it and i started cutting every night and not even a mounth later i was called in to my coloncers office and my resorse officer was on her way in and i was like whats going on and she had asked me if i was cutting my arms again ((this was the 2ed time i cut))) and i siad yes i am and they asked me if they could see my armes and i showed them and i had alos gave my teacher a suicide note thats what made them call me up there anyway so my resorse officer bakeracked me and i stayed in the hospital for 3 days 72hrs and thats when they put me on prozaca antidepressent and i felt a little better but i really dont feel any better anymore i may need a higher dose of it but i started cutting again and i got caought like always so onec again i was up in the office and thank god they didnt backeredacke me again and after that i ended up cutting again so it went on and on but now i havent been cutting as much and i think it was like 2 weeks ago that i had went and talked to the skool officer and i told her that i have beeen thinking about cutting again but i wasnt cutting i wanted to realllly bad and she was really glad that i came out and told whats been on my mind and she called my mom and told her that i need to be whached tonight and like not even 3 days later she got an anonamoscall saying i was cutting again but i was'ent cutting so that happend (but thats really all for right now ill be back with more to tell you and yeah) im back yeah its been a while and i have some thing for you well i was cleaning my room one night and i was gitting stuff out from under my bed and i had found a razor and i didnt know what to do with it and i had deiced to give it to my skool officer and i think she was gonna grab it but guess not and she had siad to through it in the trash and i had hesitated for a moment because i didnt want to throught it away and it was really hard for me to do that and the reasson i haad gave it to the skool officer is because i was scared to give it to my mom because i didnt waant her to be like are you cutting again and then it would turn in to a big fight and i didnt want that and it seems like me and my mom are always fighting and i will always leave for skool mad or go to bad mad i dont know why but we always have some kind of fight and its really stupide that we do that ........but ill be back with more sooon Ok im back i have been doing good at this point you dont even know how bad i want to cut it kills me that i cant do it i want to die right now sooooooo bad i cant even explain how bad it feels to not be able to do the one and only thing that makes everything so much simpler to do and i just really wish i could and another thing i have to deal with is the fact that my tacher has moved to texas and thats the teacher i gave the siucide note to and she is gone now i have no one at all to talk to and its just not fair i told her everything that i felt that i have thought of i mean i loved going to school just to go to her class .But i guess im just gonna have to git over it and move on ....ill be back with more to tell you soon .

Posted by cutsneverleave on 2008-03-18 19:34:03 | Rating: