Today was too emotional for me. I guess it's a bad thing to be PMSing when you adress an issue with your boyfriend. Oops. Needless to say, Ty kind of threw me under the bus with his mom today... not cool... but whatever. What can you do? We dealt with our issues, I think. There's honestly no way of telling... I can't predict what tomorrow will bring... I really hope that nothing more happens. I'm done with Emma, I'm done with her lies, I'm done... I just have a hard time trusting Tyler mainly because he lied to me before. I know he didn't sleep with her, but he told her he loved her! In my mind, that's just as hurtful, if not more... at least when Devan slept with Amanda he wasn't professing (or admitting?) real, honest emotion.

I don't know. I don't want to talk about it or write about it, I'll cry again. The thought of being without him is one of those hole in your stomach, the whole world will end, the sky is turning black and I have no reason to live thoughts that leave you empty but full of something that's making you sick.

Mom's pretty much using me as her scapegoat. I honestly feel terribly guilty for everything that has or hasn't happened in their marriage. I blame myself and she knows that, so if there's one thing you could say to hurt me, it's definitely "You need to take into consideration that your 4 year-old brother is having a hard time with the fact that his sister made his dad move out."

I didn't make him do anything... and I hate myself every day for doing what I did... It breaks my heart to see Caleb hurting, it kills me to hear him cry, and if I blame myself, isn't that enough? Why add more guilt, more reason to fret, more panic, more anxiety? Why do that?

It eats me alive as it is...

I need sleep. My brain is working in overdrive.