Thoughts.com Blogs - Sixteen is such a good age

The summer I was 15 I went to visit my older sister. My younger sister was 11. We stayed that summer at my mom's. One and only summer. It was a good summer so I thought....my older sister took me out with her, allowed me to drink myself stupid, got to do whatever I wanted when I wasn't at my mom's which I tried to do often. Problem: we left my younger sister there. Little did I know that she was being molested daily. He'd make her perform oral sex, he'd kiss on her. She used to ask me to please not leave but I just thought she was trying to ruin my fun. No she was really trying to tell me something. I feel so bad for not realizing. I feel like I could have stopped it. Prevented it. Anything to save her the pain. He stole her childhood that summer and did more damage then I thought possible. That is the summer than one night while everyone was in bed my step-dad asked me if I wanted to see something funny. He put in a video tape and it was some sort of out of space theme. There was a naked lady on a couch and there was a wall around her. On the wall was a set of lip and a hole cut out. All of a sudden a penis came through the hole. Then I got to watch John Holmes have sex with someone. I was slightly aroused by all this and at the same time sickened. He sat by me and we just watched it. To this day I find my husband wanting to look at porno or go to strip clubs so repulsive that I literally go crazy. He hates it. Says he pays for my step-dad's mistakes and that I should just relax. I told him I find him creepy like a old pervert when I think he likes those things. It has affected my life more than I wish.

I returned home and at 16 so many things started to happen. In high school I began to rebel. Not to a point where I was a bad kid or where I should be institutionized but rebelled against the Matriach. Why? Because several things happened. To earn money I started cleanning classmates houses, I tutored, and began to see that my family was really messed up. That it was crazy. She was crazy.

At 16 I was in an anti-drug group and met some people from other schools. Started to meet some guys. Boy that was weird. I had so called boyfriends before but didn't really get to go out with them. No dates. Just the 30 minute phone call here and there, note passing, that was really about it. There was one guy my grandma loved. She loved him because he had a nice car and that said a lot about a guy. He's a used car salesman now. Not someone I was attracted to or ever would be. But she knew everything. I met a guy and he was so nice. Good looking, a good boy. He had two fatal flaws in their eyes.... 1) he was catholic and 2) he drove a beat up ford escort. Oh they hated him. They told me if I had kids they'd disown them for being Catholic. He wasn't ever allowed in the house. I made him dinner once and I had to put his food on a plate and he sat on the porch while it snowed and ate.....truly a funny sight but I guess really a sad sight. We laugh about it now. She did so many bad things...listened in on our conversations, called his family and would say lies, tormented us.

Her abuse became so often she'd make me about miss my volleyball games to put rocks in her yard. She'd lock me out of the house. My friend's parents reported her to the guidance counselor for abuse. How smart was it that they called her at the house and told her what they said? She made me get on the phone and screammed that I must tell them I had brain problems and I was getting brain scans done shortly and she was not abusive. Hello....can you not hear her screamming me to tell you these answers? I was crying but repeating every instruction. I was so embarrassed. Luckily for me however I was never asked again. Never approached by a teacher. It was left alone...swept under the rug.

What made those years so bareable were the volleyball games, my studies, my friends, my boyfriend. At almost 17 something happened....I was at my friend's house cleanning it after school. Came home and she had locked me out. She would not let me in the house and it was a hail storm. I had to walk back to my friend's house in a hail storm. I called my dad. He said it wasn't his house he couldn't do anything. I called my uncle and he came and got me. Brought me to the house where my grandma proceeded to say that my younger sister had locked me out and she didn't know I couldn't get in. Actually she told my younger sister if she didn't agree with that story she'd send her away. My uncle said he was tired of the drama and that I could move in with him. Yes!!!! I get a break!!!! So second daughter kicked out age 16.

My loving uncle to the rescue....