Thoughts.com Blogs - Keeping it all in the family....

So I packed up my clothes and moved in with my uncle and aunt. My favorite uncle and aunt. They used to let us stay on the weekends. They had a pool, no kids, a dog, fireplace. We bought pizza and watched movies. He was always so friendly. He'd sleep with us on the couches, hug us often, take us driving, kiss us on the lips. He just seemed to love us....turned out too much!

So they let me date, let me had friends, let me drive their truck. All I had to do was be home by curfew and watch my cousin. Soon after I moved in my aunt's house her father got sick and was hospitalized. I got stuck many nights watching my cousin as if he was my own. I took such great care of him. They stayed over many nights. One night my uncle and I were talking about my experiences. He asked me about drinking and I told him I never really had drank that much. He said that he preferred that I drink in front of him because it would be much safer for me. So he asked me what he could buy. I said I don't know something fruity. The next night the aunt stayed at the hospital and my uncle brought home beer and strawberry dauquiri's. While I drank one he was asking me questions about sex and if I had done it. He said he knew I had because he was burning the trash (we lived in country) and there was a pregnancy test. I would sneak in the kitchen and pour out the drink. It just didn't seem like a good situation. So later that night I said I was going to bed. He said that he was scared I'd get alcohol poisoning and die so I should sleep where he could see me. He had me get in his bed. He wrapped his arm and left around me.

I sat there wondering, thinking how can I get free. Why am I in this position. I said I have to go to the bathroom. There was a bathroom attached to his bedroom but instead I went to the one across the house and then to my bedroom. I went to sleep. I couldn't lock the door however because my uncle keeps his work clothes in my closet. So around 6:30am I could hear him behind me. He was breathing heavy, sighing, shifting his weight from one side to another. Then he lifted up my covers and spooned me. I just kept thinking to myself this isn't happening this isn't happening. Ok you can do it. Tell him you want to be alone, tell him to get out. The words wouldn't come. I just couldn't get them out. Then he put his hand under my shirt, I could feel him getting hard while he spooned me. He then grabbed my naked breasts. I said I just want to lay here alone please. He lowered his hand to my stomach, laid there for what felt like an hour but really a few moments then got up and left. I started getting ready for school and he came in the bathroom and said sorry about earlier. I was drunk (yeah right) and it wasn't like anything really happened. I f*cked up. Guess what I said back? Better you will never guess.....ever.....
I said no problem. It's ok. Nothing happened. Stop beating yourself up over it.

Went to school and acted like everything was alright. That weekend her father died. The next weekend picked me up for a date. He was driving down the hill and tried to touch me and I said don't touch me. I started crying. He said why and I told him. He slammed on his brakes. Said he was going back up there to do something about it. I begged him not to....he didn't. Instead he took me to one of his teacher's house and made me tell her. She gave me a choice. Tell my father and my aunt or she calls the cops. I called my father from her house and I was so embarrassed. He said this...well I'm sure he feels bad and you are backed in a corner, there is nowhere else for you to stay so there's nothing I can do. I was so humiliated. She looked shocked at what my dad said.

Now on to the aunt. That went over so well. I had her sit down and I said I have something to tell you. She said what. I couldn't find the words. I said well uncle Brian, he, he, he and she said he cheated on me again? With who, what's her name. I said me and I told her what happened. She was shocked and her response surprised me...she said it is all my fault. I just thought he could wait. I mean my father was dying. Ok, so it is her fault that his sexual drive couldn't hold out while her father was dying. Are you kidding me????

She called him, told him she knew. He left work came straight home. They argued. He did a big production....poured out some liquor and said it was the alcohol. That I act like he raped me and he didn't. That was on a Sunday. He told me Monday morning that I was breaking up his marriage and I had one day to get my belongings out. I went to school thinking I gotta find somewhere to live. Spent the day calling some of the family that lived in the country with us. My aunt's sister-in-law said she was told that they kicked me out because I wouldn't follow the rules, stole their truck and refused to watch my cousin while her father was dying. My aunt's sister-in-law also told me that she was going to share something with me and if I ever told it she'd deny it because she lived on that hill and couldn't get away. She said when she was 16 there was a party and everyone was passed out but her and my uncle. She said my uncle tried to fondle her. How sick is that?

Guess what happened the next time my aunt ever saw me??? Keep in mind the following: my uncle admitted to my father what he did. My grandmother said I was a liar. My aunt said you know once I was molested by an uncle but I didn't say anything because he had a family and I didn't want to destroy it. Ok so now it is my fault I told you the truth about your husband? Just because you chose to keep your mouth shut doesn't mean you did the right thing. I looked up to her so much and her statements tore my heart.

So where did I end up......