Thoughts.com Blogs - Here they come....

Ok so here they come.....Air Force forced my father to retire and he had no where to go so he packed up my sisters and moved to Ohio.

I was so excited. Finally some company under the age of 60. Boy however it wasn't a pleasant homecoming. My older sister and my grandmother clashed. My older sister had so many problems but what would one expect? She was able to do what she wanted and when she wanted. She ran her own world. So it was hard for her to stay isolated, have no friends, curfew, chores. It was a culture shock. My younger sis was the babe. She really didn't have to do much and became the golden child. So I started to blend in with the background.

My older sister got into so much trouble. I used to enjoy getting her in trouble though. We loved being grandma's favorite by tattling on each other. We'd tell her whenever the dishes weren't done right, when we'd get scratched, our sacred secrets. Anything to buy some love. One day my older sister showed me a note she wrote. I told my grandma what it said. It read that she wanted to cut my grandmother's toes off and wear them as a necklace. I just wanted to "win" some love again but it turned out bad. She reported my sister to juvenile services. They sent a case worker out who wanted to know whether or not my grandmother want to send her away. I felt so bad as my sister looked helpless...at her mercy. My grandmother had won. She made my sister so scared that she called her friends in Illionois and moved away. She was 16. That was the magical age we found out. Though we argued a lot, though she was abusive, though she molested my younger sister, I still loved her and missed her.

She moved away and I was alright with that. We remained distant. Telephone call here and there. When she turned 18 she called me and told me she was pregnant and getting an abortion. I was so disappointed. I told her that it wasn't her choice to end that life. I know it is very judgemental and truly I am not sure what drove me to be so critically against it but I was. I told her to give the child up for abortion. She said she couldn't imagine someone else raising her child. Well isn't that selfish. So for two years we didn't talk. I just couldn't. She ended a life. Again I know you might be angry that I was so judgemental and so mean to my sister and I am not sure why but that was how I felt as wrong as it was. Funny so when she turned 20 we had more in common then what I had previously thought.

Her path became my own...