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Well, it seems to me that its a while now since I last blogged... seems time again. My biggest concern today is coffee. I'm pretty much out - I have enough for one more very weak cup. I had my first cup for the day (weaker than usual) but now its time for coffee #2 and I know I'll probably give in to it but then tomorrow when I get up I'm gonna be pretty unhappy 'cause there'll be no coffee to get me into 1st gear. The shops aren't open today but anyway I don't have a car. I try to make out to my partner that I'm not dependant - that I can go a day or two without coffee but the last time it happened I didn't cope well and I'm not keen for it again. I was so surprised to be seeing the bottom of the coffee tin anyway - I just got a new packet 2 weeks ago... I really don't know what happened. I DO know that the headaches are worse without coffee....
Well, other than that I just can't get bmx racing off my mind. I keep seeing flashes of the track, of the instructional dvds, of people riding.... its like that unsolvable maths problem that keeps you in a fitful sleep all night. I went to my first race night on Friday. I got put into to high a division - its just a guess for your first race anyway. When I nominated they said "we'll put you into division 4". I told them "I'm really slow". They laughed and told me that in div 4 I'll be racing against an 11 yo girl - like it meant something. If they'd pointed out who this girl was I could have told them I'd lined up beside her on practice night and couldn't come close to being competition for her. Anyway, apparently she won every moto by about half a straight - that's what my partner told me.... I wouldn't know 'cause I was coming in half a straight behind the 2nd last place and was just struggling to keep a grip of my nerves enough to stay on the bike and make it through the race.
Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and my body responded to the urgency of the situation by becoming unco-ordinated, heavy and unbalanced. My partner told me I was really slow out of the gate - that I was doing better at practice. I doubt I was... I'd say at practice others were taking it easy and on race night they weren't. I do know by the first jump I was shut out - I kept getting the outside lanes.... anyway, I was behind everyone by the first jump.... after that it just got worse. I don't have the mentality of a sprinter.... its something I hope I can find as time goes by though. My body has never operated like a steel trap to make it through a short, sharp competition.... I'm not conditioned for it.... but more than that - its not natural to me. I wish I could articulate that better.
My mind is so consumed by racing. I like it... I wish I had better control and some skills in my pocket. I guess wishing is like setting goals. I don't care that I lost so bad on Friday night. I know if I was a kid I'd care 'cause all the other kids would humiliate me for it. But now - those kids can't touch me. I've got strength now and so its a good time to come to it.
On Friday night I couldn't sleep - literally - all night. My mind was racing.... mainly it was racing on the topic of racing. When the alarm went off I hadn't slept yet. I was going to go and see Charlie but I did'nt. I lay in bed for a few more pointless hours. Didn't do much. Then I went shopping. I had a headache starting - it was getting bad. I had painkillers with dinner and went out to see a band. The band was good. My head was not. I came home - more painkillers and to bed. I actually slept - all night, really good. Sunday was quiet and lazy. Then I went back to the track for practice - I wanted to take on all the jumps that were giving me grief. Didn't get far. I saw some other people from the club there. They seemed vaguely amused - they'd all brought the kids down.... my partner brought me down. I was pushed off the track and forced to leave about an hour later when the remote control car guys turned up. They are arrogant arseholes. This is the second time they've nearly sent me over the handlebars by driving out in front of me when I'm on the track. When we were trying to leave they were harassing us by driving a car into my partners feet and the other one at my front tyre. Arseholes! In the carpark one of the bmx fathers who'd been riding out there too told us to tell them to "piss off". I appreciate his support but I'm not gonna punch on with two thickhead guys like that. I don't wanna have to be looking over my shoulder every time I go to the track. Oh.... did I mention if we punched on I'd lose bad?
So, today its a public holiday so I thought I'd call a compromise and just work half the day. So, seeing as I slept most of the morning and the day is just about half over by now I guess its time for working. Oh yeah, but one more thing before I go. M still didn't answer my friend request on facebook. Its been over a week and other friends have been added. I wanted to pull my friend request but obviously cannot. Today I blocked and unblocked him - it seems to have broken the request from my end. When I searched for him it came up as "Add friend" instead of "friend requested". I feel better now. He probably will too. Its not like being able to hit the rewind button and play an alternative ending though. |
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Posted by crashing_down on 2008-05-04 21:43:20 | Rating: | Views: 49
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I hope you get your coffee soon. I do have to warn you that too much caffeine isn't good for you, but you probably already know that. Cheers.
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Posted by Spook
on 2008-05-04 21:53:18
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