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Dear Diary,
I've just been finishing up for the night - sort've got some things prepared for tomorrow. I have to say my focus today has been very good compared to... pretty much any day in the last three months. It feels like I'm "getting back on the bike" finally. Things in my mind have calmed down a lot and I feel like I've got past a lot of that anger and rejection... maybe it helps that the court case is over with - I was carrying a lot of angst and anxiety around over that. I realised today that I've only got 2 months and a bit left - thought it was three.... well, I should check sometime - to be sure. It doesn't feel like I made it much past Christmas at work before I left for my 6 months... thought I was due back around September... really should sort that out. Now that I've got my earring making happening I feel like I'm not too far off getting to the markets. Towards the back of my mind though I know there's a lot of preparation to be done after that... its hard to work out what needs to be done first. I know I need to see the accountant soon and sort out a business name and lodge my business documents... that could all take time so I guess it needs to happen really soon.... but... its the stuff I want more time on. I also need to get my market application in - hence jewellery needs to be made a photographed beforehand... but, I also need to know my business name and ABN when I put the application in... seems like a tangled mess right now.
My eyes got tired that's pretty much why I called it a night. I'm just now realising that my left eye aches when I look in certain directions... I need to be careful of these things - look after myself better than I have in the past. I guess I should organise another light source - to help out with the night work. Anyway, right now I'm keen for sleep... this is good - think I'll nod off quickly. Sleep's been going not too badly lately...
I got an email from D yesterday and it took me until about midday today to feel like replying - this is good I think... I lost the ability for patience and waiting grew to be a horribly weak point for me. Maybe my discipline is recovering now... maybe I feel more secure now... maybe I have accepted better the inevitibality of distance. Maybe I'm just over the conversations with him to some extent - two people can't have intense, engaging conversations forever - not every day of forever. I'm pleased with myself - how I conducted things tonight. A few times I spent a few minutes at the computer... and... even though I saw both D and B online I didn't start a conversation with either of them... used to be that I felt an uncontrollable desire to talk to someone if I saw them online - because it happened so infrequently.... anyway, maybe tonight I've just found some quiet in my soul and am digging the solitude. Its a good change - very healthy I think. Not sure if its a change I'll be able to sustain... but, in any case - one good day is still good.
I must remember not to forget that I need to make gifts for L and R. I'm not sure how to prioritise them however I know that like everything else right now the window of opportunity is closing on both of them. I guess maybe tomorrow I should make a list of everything that needs to be done in the near future and sketch in some dates - try to make sense of it all. I can push myself if I need to but I don't feel like I need to until I see how things fit together - until I see dates and know I need to be ready for them. Well... its one minute to midnight right now... I'm going to aim for being in bed by 10 past... so, I've gotta move pretty quickly now. I know its not an ideally early night but its two hours earlier than its been a lot of the time lately so I'm happy with that. I need to work more in daylight hours so I can make best use of the daylight - I think it will come... but slowly. Tonight I feel like I'm on track. |
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Posted by crashing_down on 2008-07-01 10:06:18 | Rating: | Views: 14
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