Usually I just write for myself and don't expect anyone will read it... today I'm doing things differently.  I hope people read this because I want some feedback - other people's thoughts on the dilemna I'm about to present.

I've worked in  a lot of places - sooner or later I always move on because the potential to improve yourself and become a better person is always so limited.  Part of the reason its always so limited is because there's always people there who've worked in the same place for a million years and for every one of their million years their main focus has been on keeping everyone else down.  Rather than improve themselves they get things evened out by bringing other people down to their dead end level.  I don't like to be brought down or to get the tall poppy treatment when I refuse to stay down so I move on.  Some people are just stuck in the culture.  They don't make the problems, they don't fix them and they don't really care about them.

Sometimes I see people I've worked with later down the track in life.  If its the bullies and the negative ones with nothing good to say about anyone I just pretend not to see them - by the time I go I've always completely spent myself on these people.  But sometimes the ones I see are the ones who aren't  part of the problem (not part of the solution either) and I wonder which way I should go in conversation with them.

You see, on one hand you can talk about all the things you've been achieving since you left.  Maybe it will inspire them to go seek something better too.  Then again, maybe they'll just see it as boasting.  On the other hand you can keep all your cards close to your chest and not tell them about any of the achievements you've had - not tell them about anything that's important or special to you so they can't denigrate it.  Sometimes people like that - even though they're not the out and out bullies do feel insecure about their position.... sometimes they're just gonna find things to criticise about your achievements too.  I just never know how to play it with these people 'cause you've got no ongoing relationship with them - it'd be a waste of energy to open up to them if they're not gonna get inspired by it and aim to do better for themselves too.  The worst thing is when you open up to them you risk that they will take it all back to work and the bullies will get ahold of information about you.... that's the last thing I want ever - I try to keep as much from the bullies as I can. 

You know, I've started feeling like the best thing to do is if you see them just appear uninteresting and unrememberable - for protection.  So that they'll forget about you and so will everyone else where you used to work because there's nothing they perceive as worth remembering.  Maybe there's a lot of strength to be gained from shutting EVERYONE out - no matter who they were in the work environment, just shut them out.... to make sure that negative relationship with that environment is dead and burried.

But.... then again.... sometimes that egotistical urge comes over me.... I just wanna let them know I'm not the failure everyone figured I would be.  I didn't leave for nothing.... I left for something.  I made a hard decision but I'm strong and I made something of it all.

Maybe the best thing to do is to just ooze confidence but give nothing away...  I think it could be... but I'm still searching for the answer to the question "how do you ooze confidence when you don't really have a spine?".

Anyway, I'd like hear other people's thoughts on this one.  I know its overthinking stuff.... but it always comes up for me sooner or later and when it does I feel like a deer caught in the headlights.