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crashing_down's Blogs in April 2008

my head hurts
My head hurts.... it usually does these days. My stomach hurts also - I think its hungry but there's raw nervousness there still and I don't think food will fit right now. I'm thinking it would be kinda luxurious to crawl into bed right now - in between the soft cool sheets with a......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-18 00:57:24 | Rating:

| Views: 57 | Comments: 1 | Tags: beasts

you were in my dream last night
Hi M, I just wanted to tell you that I saw you in a dream last night. We were at a court house - you were outside near the door to the court room and I was further along near the corner of the building. I was nervous that you might see me. I had vague recollections of......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-21 20:53:34 | Rating:

| Views: 54 | Comments: 0 | Tags: you

the nicest thing
I don't know why but I've suddenly started remembering my dreams. The one I remember from last night was disturbing and has lead me to reflection again. I had just met this guy I went to primary school with - 16 years after I last saw him on that last day of school. Just like in......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-22 21:25:07 | Rating:

| Views: 38 | Comments: 0 | Tags: remembering

need to find music
I need to find music that speaks to me again. I've outgrown my collection. I find slivers of things that are relevant... but I need more. Its hard without money. But, I haven't found anything that I've got my eye on anyway. I think Bob Dylan got something right about......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-22 22:18:13 | Rating:

| Views: 52 | Comments: 0 | Tags: soul

first practice night
I feel good. Last night I went to my first bmx racing training night. Well, there wasn't really any training... I guess that's why some just call it practice night. I was pretty nervous to start with and spent a long time watching and contemplating before I just took a deep breath and lined up at......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-23 21:34:05 | Rating:

| Views: 38 | Comments: 0 | Tags: racing

finishing things up
Hi Jack, I have to do something about closure between us - put something out into the universe. I don't think its any good to contact you now. Everything's finished even though we never took the time to agree on it. There are things I've been struggling to get past. Its nothing major... its......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-24 02:13:53 | Rating:

| Views: 46 | Comments: 0 | Tags: lost friendship

stupid missing brain cells
Didn't think I'd find myself writing on a day like today - its a day where I don't really feel anything strongly. I had a productive day - did a lot of work - it was off and on but over a pretty long time. Its nearly 10pm. When I'm finished on here I'll probably work another couple of hours just......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-25 08:25:22 | Rating:

| Views: 52 | Comments: 2 | Tags: bahdly spehlt

banal mind vomit
I saw M on facebook tonight. Every now and then I check for a few people I've been wanting to get in touch with. I'd seen his name up before with no pic and no friends so I wasn't really sure if it was him. Tonight I found out it is him 'cause he had a......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-26 09:51:40 | Rating:

| Views: 51 | Comments: 2 | Tags: banal

i'm flipping through a million different things in
There are so many thoughts today - I'm flipping through a million different things in my mind. Henry Rollins has awoken every sleeping beast. Where were you when I was still in that fucking job? I remember for a while I loved the place. I saw everyone around me as fucked......Read More

Posted on: 2008-04-26 23:13:36 | Rating:

| Views: 46 | Comments: 0 | Tags: nothings

winding down
I've found myself here when I should be in bed. I am tired though - thank god for that 'cause i'm so sick of going to bed and just staring at the ceiling all night. I just finished working about about 12.30 so I guess it kinda makes sense I'm still up now (12.58) winding down. ......Read More