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| Life is funny sometimes...
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Life sure can get funny on me. I've felt heartache many times in my life, but never so much as just recently. I've been married a little over two years. During those two years, I'll admit, I treated my wife poorly. I never appreciated her. I never told her thank you for cleaning the house, or doing the laundry, or for just being her. I rarely gave her the attention that she wanted. There were days that I wouldn't want her to touch me or I didn't want to touch her.
I am currently deployed overseas right now. About 2 and a half weeks before I was supposed to leave home, I told my wife I didn't want to be married anymore. I had pretty much given up because in my head, she wasn't that great of a wife. She would always yell and argue with me. I thought that she was just naturally like this. So I finally came to my decision, and I didn't back down.
For the next week, I stayed with my decision. Although I had regretted the words coming out of my mouth as they flowed, I still stayed with what I said. I remember one phone conversation we had and she ended it by saying "I love you." I just said "Ok" and hung up. I regret that. I wish I had just said I'm sorry and that I want to be together. But I waited. I waited for about a week. I finally told her that I didn't want to get a divorce. I wanted to work things out. I wanted to get help for myself.
I suffer from some type of depression. I don't know what it is, but for a while I'll be up and happy, then everything comes crashing down. My wife has seen it, and it has hurt her a lot. All that depression that I have, I take it out on her.
So we decided that we would work things out. We would make our marriage work. I would deploy and we'll take care of everything. Everything was going great and time was flying by. I couldn't wait to get back home. Then things just took a turn for the worst. She changed her mind.
My wife told me that she's given up. That she can't forget the things I've said and done to her. She told me last night that she couldn't even forgive me for most of it. I've tried to tell her that I am going to change. I am going to be that loving husband and a great father to my daughter. I'm not going to complain when I need to change my daughter's diaper. I'm not going to whine when the trash needs to go out or the dishes need to be cleaned. But she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to waste anymore time in our relationship. Why?
I told her that I will not give up. I'm going to give this everything I have and then if it doesn't work, fine. At least I'll know that I may have made mistakes and have screwed up royally, but I tried my best. I love her with all my heart.
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Posted by crash413 on 2007-11-13 12:52:26 | Rating: | Views: 135
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Do it. Show you can change. You can do it. Good luck I hope everything works out for the better.
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Posted by Acre
on 2007-11-13 13:08:29
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I read your entry.
I always wonder what is going through the mans mind. And why people hurt the ones they love.
I know I have felt the same emotions that you wrote about your wife.
Sometimes - once you have hurt a woman so much - it is hard to convince her otherwise.
Everyone deserves a 2nd chance - just really make yours count! It is going to have to be life-changing. You have to be willing to do that for her.
Best of Luck for both of you!
E.
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Posted by Diva_Girl_Ellie
on 2007-11-13 13:40:12
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fight for what you want
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Posted by roe
on 2007-11-13 14:10:03
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Sorry bro, but you fucked up and it's hard to go back and change that. I had a similar relatioship only I wasn't married to the guy. Remember it's not what you say...it's what you do that matters. Just start showing her the new side and maybe if she is still in love with you, she'll come back. They say that love is like a boomerang...if it loves you it'll come back. Best of luck to you.
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Posted by malanienneh
on 2007-11-13 21:08:06
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