To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and botily
functions. The 70 year old says " I get up at seven every
morning and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." The 80 year
old man says "My case is worse, I get up at eight every
morning and grunt and groan for half an hour before I have a
bowel movement." The 90 year old man says " At seven I pee
like a horse and at eight I shit like a cow." " So what's your
problem?" ask the other two men. " I don't wake up until nine!"

THE TOP 10 THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT SAY OUT LOUD IN VICTORA'S SECRET:

10. Does this come in children's sizes?
9. No thanks. Just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.
5. No need to wrap it. I'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me??
3. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
2. Forty-Five bucks? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!
And the number 1 thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret:
1. Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that! 

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing." 

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank fuck for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

There is a blond driving through the country. She has just died her hair brown because
she is sick of being made fun of. She is really hungry. She stops at a farmers house and says "Hi! If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" Farmer says ok. She quickly counts them and says "91!" The farmer looks around puzzeledly and says "Ok. Take one." When the Blond is walking back to her car the farmer asks "If I can guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"