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1. There is no such thing called an ugly millionaire.
2. I am not deaf, I am ignoring you
3. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute emergency on my part.
4. I cannot improve myself, it is impossible to improve perfection
5.There are only 2 people in the world that I trust, The first one is me and the other one is definitely not you.
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Definitions:
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that youcan die rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and awoman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated byfeminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturerto the notes of the
students withoutpassing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens andeverybody disagrees later on.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidenceafter.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc ..: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actuallydo.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decidethat nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the
pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his
eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the
law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now. That's different.
You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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Posted by contacdheeraj on 2008-07-08 16:17:15 | Rating: | Views: 48
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