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| What are social skills? |
I've always been awkward in social situations. As much as I bitch about hating people in general, I do consider myself to be kind of a people person. I appreciate my quiet/alone time, but I probably would go nuts if I gave up human interaction for a month or so.
The problem is (at least in my opinion) I have terrible social skills. What do I talk about with people? I am terrible at making small talk. I always feel like I come off as a complete idiot when I'm chatting with people. That wouldn't be a problem, if I was a complete idiot. Now, if you look up self-deprecation in the dictionary, a full-sized pic of my mug pops up. If you want me to go down a laundry list of things I hate about myself, you'll probably have a head full of gray hair by the time I arrive at the end of that list. But I'm not, by any means, an idiot. Therefore, I hate giving people the wrong impression of me. I'm a very intelligent person, who received almost nothing but A's and B's throughout grade school, high school, and college. Therefore, when I come off to people as dumb, it irks me. It irks me to fucking death!
Why would I come off as dumb? You probably can't tell from reading my blogs, but I'm not a very articulate person. I can express myself articulately through writing. Verbally--Well, that's a different story. I can carefully choose my words when writing this blog. If I word a sentence wrong, I can easily go back and change it. In everyday conversation, I'm fucked. I'm kind of a nervous person and have the tendency to either word a sentence incorrectly or not know how to finish a sentence. Yes, I'm one of those people. Of course, this is due to nervousness and not stupidity, but how would people know that? When people used to watch George W. Bush's speeches on TV, did they attribute his verbal fiascoes to nervousness? No! They just said, "That guy's a fucking moron!" I don't want to drift into a whole political discussion, especially since I'm not very well-educated in the subject, but say what you want about the guy having been a horrible President. However, anyone (i.e.: reporters, journalists, etc.) who spoke to him on a one-on-one basis said that he sounded very intelligent. Not until he stepped up to the podium did he seem to have the I.Q. of a grapefruit.
In short, I tend to sometimes keep my lips sealed, because I fear that someone will perceive me as an uneducated moron. That's one reason I feel sorry for celebrities. All it takes is one stupid comment, and everyone perceives them as dummies. I can totally put myself in their shoes, especially if I were interviewed after stepping off a plane in complete jet-lag mode! Besides Jessica Simpson's comments about Chicken of the Sea and Buffalo wings, can anybody name any un-intelligent quotes from her? No! You don't fucking talk to Jessica Simpson on a daily basis, so shut your fucking mouth!
Anyway, I'm off on a tangent. Surprise, surprise. Me off on a tangent? Never! Aside from my...lack of verbal fluency, there are certain topics that I simply don't know much about. Like I've brushed upon earlier, I don't pay much attention to politics. I don't pay much attention to the news in general. Hell, I don't watch much TV period! I can't participate in any conversation about "Lost" or "Heroes," because I never watched the fucking shows! And to be honest, I don't care about watching them. I've always been more a movie buff than a couch potato. I can't explain exactly why, but TV drama especially doesn't interest me much. I guess because I feel that drama needs to be uncensored. I'll watch something like "The Sopranos." A program on NBC about the Mafia, in which the characters don't swear and no graphic violence is shown, translates as "snooze-fest" to me. Unfortunately, I don't have premium cable, so I can't watch most of these great programs that people rave about. I have to wait until they hit the DVD shelves. I do like watching sitcoms from time to time, though. I guess it's because there's a certain artifice to comedy anyway, so a lack of swearing or nudity or sex won't detract from the quality of the programming.
I'm also not a sports fan. Right now, the World Series is going on, and I couldn't give a flying fuck who wins. As for my co-workers, they're consumed by the fucking series. All they ever fucking talk about is the series! But I can't participate in their conversations! Because I don't care! I never understood how people can be so consumed by sports. Why should I cheer for a certain team to win? Because they play for my state? In my case, I'm from New Jersey, so we don't even have any baseball or football teams. Therefore, I guess I'm supposed to cheer for the New York Teams, since NY is the closest state to mine! Why? Most of the fucking players probably aren't even from New York! Most of them aren't even from this country! So why should I care? I enjoy certain movies about sports, but that's because we get to know these characters as these films progress. Therefore, I have a reason to cheer for them. Why should I cheer for A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez)? Because he's banging Kate Hudson?
That's one reason why I often feel like the odd man out, amongst a group of guys. All guys ever want to talk about is sports. Sports, sports, sports. I remember about a week ago, one of my co-workers asked me, "Are you gonna watch the Yankee game tonight?"
I replied, "No. I'm not a sports fan."
"You don't like the Yankees?"
"Last time I checked, they are a sports team, right?"
"So you don't watch ANY sports?"
"No."
"Not even track and field?"
"No. Not even track and field."
Of course, it would've been hilarious if I were to reply "Yes" to that last question. "No, I'm not much of a sports fan, but track and field? Man, I love that shit!" But men, in general, are just incapable of conceiving that anyone could not be into sports. If I only had a dime for every time I've been told, "You're not into sports? Then what ARE you into?" Is sports the only fucking thing on this fucking earth that can fucking interest me? Personally, I think it's pathetic every time I see some 350-pound fat fuck stuffing nachos in his mouth, yelling at the TV screen in a sports bar. "Hey! Why can't you carry the damn ball across the field? You fucking moron!" Really? Let me see your fat fucking ass carry the fucking ball across the field. You probably can't even pry your ass off that fucking stool.
Aside from the guys (and some of the girls) being obsessed with sports, I feel out of place when socializing with my co-workers for several reasons. The main reason is...well...they make much more money than I do. It's not like I inquired about their salaries. It's common knowledge. I'm a temp. They're not. They're making 20-odd bucks an hour. I'm making less than that, with a good chunk of that money going to the temp agency. Therefore, they're constantly gabbing about fancy restaurants or fancy bars they've been to. Meanwhile, I'm booking reservations at Subway and sucking down $2 Rolling Rocks at various dive bars. I feel like a fucking peasant! So I have the tendency to crawl into my shell when I'm around my co-workers. I'm constantly afraid that they're gonna turn their noses at my working-class ass.
Finally, one of the primary reasons why I'm terrible at socializing with people in general is that I don't have many great stories to tell! I live a very normal, uneventful life! I find that I tend to repeat sentences and stretch them out. Subconsciously, I think it's because I have so little to tell about my life that I try to pad out the few stories that I have. The rest of the stories are ones that I can't tell people who aren't very close to me. I don't necessarily feel comfortable disclosing the fact that I used to attend sex addiction meetings to some random dude I met in a bar. As cynical as I am, I honestly do believe that most people who are extremely talkative are that way because they live interesting lives. They want to share those lives with people! What am I supposed to share about my life? My life is boring! Well, it's not boring to me, but to the average person it is.
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