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| Taking the next step |
I feel sort of like I'm at the crossroads, in my current relationship. As of now, my girlfriend and I have gone out for almost a year and 2 months. She has kind of a...weird living situation. As of matter of fact, I'm sure when I describe it, you'll all think I'm nuts for pursuing this relationship in the first place.
My g/f has been separated from her husband since January of last year. They haven't filed for divorce yet. That's primarily due to financial reasons.
In addition, my g/f still lives with her ex. I know. All you divorced women reading this are probably thinking, What is she? A fucking masochist? I'm not gonna lie and say that her and her ex aren't at each other's throats at times, but...well...they're not prone to murder to each other. Let's put it that way. It's not like she has a dartboard with a picture of her ex in the middle, with his balls conveniently placed over the bull's eye.
Basically, they chose to live together to make it easy on the kids. They had two sons and a daughter together. Plus, my g/f's pain-in-the-ass mother lives downstairs in the basement.
This probably sounds like a fucking sitcom. My g/f lives with her ex-husband, two twin 4-year-old boys, a 9-year-old daughter, and her bitch of a mother. Plus, her ex has a g/f of his own, who's also separated and has two teenage daughters. Yes, everyone. Welcome to the modern family!
Anyway, just recently my g/f and her ex were finally able to work out an agreement, so that her mother could leave the basement as of December. This means that my g/f could move in downstairs, and her and her ex won't have to share a living space any longer. Now, she was hoping I would move downstairs with her. Me being someone who's never had kids of my own, she knows fully well that I wouldn't be able to endure living on the main floor and having to listen to her kids yell and cry and scream and yell and cry and fucking scream some more. If I live downstairs, I will always have a place to retreat from the chaos.
Now, my g/f and her ex were planning on getting her mother out of the house for months. I mean, it's gotten to the point where she posed as a danger to the family. She actually called DYFS on them, claiming that they were mistreating their children. She was making shit up about them getting drunk and doing drugs and hosting wild sex parties. I know, only her fucking cunt psycho bitch of a mother would make shit up about her own daughter to try to get her kids taken away from her. Of course, her mother is not a sane person (to say the LEAST). She is bi-polar, but she won't do anything to treat her condition. And to me, THAT makes all the fucking difference. I was never completely insane, but when I had issues in my life--you know what I did? I went to a fucking therapist! If you have a fucking disorder and you don't choose to treat it, you get no sympathy from me! To me, that's equivalent to a man laying on the pavement, all bloody from having been stabbed multiple times, and when someone offers him help--he refuses it! "We'll call you an ambulance!" "No, fuck you! I'm gonna stay here and bleed!" Well, since her mother would rather stay on the pavement and bleed, she could go fuck herself.
Getting back on topic, my g/f and her ex tried to have her mother (legally) removed from the house. But because we have a legal system that apparently wasn't updated since 20 A.D., they weren't able to remove her. It had to do with some shit about a landlord-tenant agreement. I don't need to bore people with the details. Plus, I don't know all the details. In other words, since her mother didn't whip out a knife and try to slaughter her family, they didn't have any grounds to eject her from the house.
Anyway, it's finally come to a point where her mother wants to move out of the basement, rather than living there to spite everyone. They found an affordable apartment complex, in which she can live. As of December, it's almost definite that she will be out of the house.
Now, my g/f has proposed the idea of us living together in the basement for a while. And for a while, I was somewhat interested. But then, that whole shit came up with her mother refusing to leave. Come to think of it, I don't even know if I seriously agreed to moving down there. I just thought it would be more comfortable for me whenever I came to visit. Instead of having to put up with her kids, I could just stay downstairs and watch TV while she put them to bed.
I pride myself on having certain qualities that are completely uncharacteristic of a heterosexual male. 50% of me is this metro-sexual dude, who doesn't watch sports and likes to get his hair done in a salon. The other 50% of me is like a walking male stereotype. It's no mystery that the average guy has commitment issues. Well, I'm no exception.
At the same time, I don't feel completely remorseful about having those issues. We're living in a world where 70% of marriages end in divorce. More and more young people are out tying the knot. It's like they go to college, graduate, and get married the day after. What the fuck is that all about? Get your life straightened out and THEN get married!
Is my g/f interested in marriage? Well...not yet. Technically, we can't get married, since she's not officially divorced yet. If you want my honest point of view, I don't see marriage in our future. I believe that as long as we've been together, there's gonna come a point where I just can't take it anymore. She's a great person. I mean that with all my heart. This being an anonymous forum, I can say she's the cunt of the century and not suffer the consequences. Out of all the women I've been with, she's been the most loving and kind-hearted. The majority of what pisses me off about our relationship has to do with her external circumstances--whether it be her kids, her mother, her ex. I'm just not sure if breaking up with someone due to her external circumstances would be the right thing to do.
The two of us had an intense conversation last night. In a polite manner, she said that she was offended by my choice to continue looking for a roommate--instead of moving in with her.
Right now, I'm looking for someone to move into my apartment by next month, since I've already had two people back out on me at the last minute. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment. I was originally supposed to move in with a friend of mine. At the last minute, he SUDDENLY decided that he wouldn't have enough money to make the rent each month. Therefore, he refused to move in. A month later, a friend of mine said she knew a guy who was looking for a place. The man checked it out, was interested, and wrote me a check for the next month's rent. A couple weeks later, I asked him when he was gonna move in, and he said that he wouldn't be able to. According to him, he had experienced a "financial collapse." So yeah...it's a fucking miracle I haven't slashed my fucking wrists yet! This is why I can't blame myself for occasionally splurging on drinks at Happy Hour and getting tanked beyond recognition.
I've already showed the 2nd room in my apartment to about 8 potential tenants. Basically, I want to make damn sure that I can rent it out by next month, since I can't pay $950 on my own. And considering that I just moved into the fucking place in September, it would be a huge pain in the ass having the move all my fucking shit out already. I'm sorry, but I'm not accustomed to a nomadic lifestyle. I'm not one of these people who moves into an apartment with only an inflatable bed and a suitcase, just in case he has to move again in the next month. And quite frankly...I like this apartment! It's a really nice place!
If I don't find a roommate by next month, I think I'll probably move in with my parents temporarily and then decide if I'd like to move into the basement with my g/f. She was offended that I thought of moving in with her as simply a "backup plan."
For some reason, she thinks of me as God's gift to humanity. I've told her myself: I'm really not that great of a guy. I'm a sex addict who's gone to addiction meetings in the past, I used to frequent strip clubs, I tend to be a booze-hound. Face it, I'm sort of a bum!
Now I'm seeing how the age difference between us can serve as a point of conflict. She's 36 years old, has had plenty of dating experience, has been married for 10 years, and has had three kids. I'm a 27-year-old guy who's never been married, never had kids, and has had only a moderate amount of dating experience (due to my brutal shyness as an adolescent). In our chat last night, I told her straight up: I don't know for sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm a young guy and don't feel like I've lived my life to the fullest yet. She's lived her life, she's been through all the bullshit, and now that she sees a guy who honestly treats her with love and compassion--she wants to settle down with him!
I can't promise that our relationship won't last much longer. However, if she ever gives me an ultimatum, where she wants us to either build a future together or break up--I'm gonna choose the second option!
In addition to my commitment issues, another reason why I don't want to move in with her yet is because she lives in the suburbs. You see, I live in the city, where everything is accessible either through walking or public transportation. She has a car that her grandma doesn't use anymore, and is pretty much collecting dust in her driveway. She said that I could drive it whenever I like. Two problems with that: One, I don't like driving. Two, I don't have a license. I know how to drive, but since I was living with my parents when I earned my license, my mom's insurance premium sky-rocketed (since I was under 25 and a high-risk driver). Therefore, I actually turned in my license. To top it all off, the bus fare to go into New York City (where I work) is really expensive. I mean, I'll be living virtually rent-free is I move in with her, but the money still adds up.
To sum it up, I'm nervous about taking the next step and moving in with my g/f. And she's aware that I'm nervous. I haven't kept it a secret from her. I'm just afraid of what happens if we do break up. She feels that if we break up, she'd feel like she lost a part of her. I don't know what to say. Can I blame myself for leading her on? I've come out to her about all my past addictions, never bought her any expensive gifts, never treated her to fancy dinners more than a handful of times. I would say that--if anything--I've done everything I could to scare her off. But hell...I guess there are women out there who are honestly looking for love and only love. Maybe if I one day take my head out my jaded ass, I'll realize that's the truth.
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