This is my first posting. I hope to vent and get it all off my chest through thoughts.com.

I am going to try to stay as anonymous as possible due to the nature of my job now and, the nature of my intended postings. Anyone is welcome to email me and leave messages on my postings however, please do not ask for personal info as I don't intend to take this anywhere but cyberspace.
I am a family man and a responsible member of an organization which would not look at me under the same light if my past would surface.
However, I need closure, I am drained from putting up a front while rotten inside...
I am an addict, I am a man in recovery. Have been sober and clean since 2005... I have very few people close to me except for my wife and my kids. My mother , father, brother and sister are still a good part of my life but, I still feel alone.
Every time I have felt overwhelmed and reached out to other individuals in recovery, I end up hating it. the few people in recovery who I've opened to have ended up being people who are still fighting off cravings, dealing with relapses, and continue to behave the same way the did when they were high...
Usually, they have their priorities all mixed up, blame others for their faults, and continue to fall back into the same cycles while expecting forgiveness and unconditional help after a few tears and a "sorry, it wont happen again"
Others, are so involved with their recovery that, they stop being productive. They become fanatics of the steps and the big book and expect you to run all over town with them to go hear grown men and women yell about how life sucks and I am so weak but, I will stay sober today and hope for a good day tomorrow...
Lord knows I am nobody to judge anyone and, may their higher power bless them in their struggles. However, I find myself in another state of mind. I have struggles like most of them but, I run my life a little bit different. I do what works for me, I keep myself in check to make sure I don't become overconfident and I stay the hell away from anybody who has anything to do with any kind of vice. I don't go to that many social events and, when I do, I am very weary of situations out of my control. I stay close to the food and the kids and, away from the booze...
I pray for strength and clarity and go to sessions with a therapist as that's the only person I can really open up with. I am on meds for anxiety and depression and struggle everyday; I hope this blog helps me in my recovery and, if in the process I ever help anyone out there, awesome! The best thanks I could get is knowing that you reached out and helped someone else in their struggles.
 God Bless