Thoughts.com Blogs - Reaslising

There are so many things i have come to find these days that appear to me as no longer matter. I have been trying forso long and i think i am starting to realise that maybe, just maybe that is not ment to be so. I step back and look at my life and i have never really been happy. Sure there are times were happyness is what i felt. But not the happiness that i desired.....

So in realiseing this idecided that i am just going to try except things just the way they are. The funny thing is this is hard to accomplish. I try excepting the fact that im not ment to be happy. I tryed to work on what i thought would make me happy. But the truth betold nothinh i do is working. My life i feel is getting worse by my own hand. I think that by trying to fix what i thought needed fixing(Ok Not Thought Really Needed To Be Fixed) I have made everything so much worse for my self.

As a result i have lost respect and trust. I also FEAR what i should not fear.Why is so hard for people to see that happiness i do not have. I have scares instead Of trust. I have sorrow were i should of been happy. I have nothing if anything to offer anymore. Love is not a easy thing to have yet i think i do...... The main issue i have is realising if love will survive what has happen or if it is just going to prolong the suffering. Its so hard to understand what goes through my head and its so hard to describe it.

Im now lost and trying to figer out if in the end if it is all going to be worth it or if it simply is prolonging what is going to happen.

Trust is a hard thing to build so whay do people throw it a way like it is nothing. like it really does not matter.
Can i trust
Can i sit here and hope it was a one off thing
I dont know any more im so tired of fighting and im so tired of being hurt and thats all i get....

So now i realise that i am never going to be happy like i was wonse befor i wopuld of taken on the world and put it all behind me back then but now things are different and will remain different . Because i can not honestly say that i will be able to trust like i once did back then or even now...

I realise i was happy once maybe i have had my happiness maybe i took it for granted but simply how can i trust now how can i be happy now...

I DONT KNOW????