I am Bipolar type 2.  I know that the people around sometimes have a hard time dealing with me.  I wish they could walk a day in my shoes.  No matter how hard it is for any one person to deal with me, it is even harder for me to deal with it all.  I try for the most part to keep myself in check, I mean I try really, really, hard.  Thats why I have this.  I think that if I was someone else and read my blog I would think that they were a whinier or only saw the negative in things and I would be grateful that I didn't know that person because I would be pretty sure that they would drag me down.  But this is the thing, most of the people that know me would say I am real upbeat, positive person.  Ironic right since everything that one would read here contradicts that.  I need a place to vent everything.  Sometimes I have like a whirlwind of a billion thought whizzing through my head like an F5 tornado.  Imagine being one of those money cyclone boxes, ya know one of those plastic boxes where the money is blowing around you and your task is to grab as much money as you can.  At times, thats how my mind works.  For me it is best if I just grab at those thoughts and put them down some where. Like with the money box, the more money grab, the less there is whirling around you.  The more thoughts I get out the less there is cluttering up my mind and the more I can accomplish.  A lot of those thoughts that I need to put out there are very negative in nature because I am always trying to control how I feel and how I act and then my mind gets full of all of these horrible terrible things that I am feeling or have felt.  Some of the thoughts, if I don't get them out, its like it gets a hook and snags onto my mind and then starts to like drill at me and then I become obsessive about that thought.  Right now I probalby am not making that much since ot sound like I am babbling which I am .  If you could step into my mind you would get a headache and want right out.  Right now my mind is working like that money box and one of the thoughts that are drilling at my mind is the fact that I hate that my mind works this way I wish I wasn't bipolar and I hope that when my children get older and are adults that they will understand that I have a disorder that pretty much affects everything in my life.