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| Why I Am Not Religious (and never will be)
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Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a jolly, laid back person, who never gets angry, is never controversial and will always avoid conflict where necessary. I am the kind of person who would rather say nothing, than say something different, that goes against the grain. If I ever do dare to speak out, I then find myself apologising for it. Well no more.
The thing is...I'm through with all that now. I'm changing and growing in confidence.
I don't believe in God. I never have, and I never will. There, I said it. I'm not ashamed.
I grew up in a wonderful family. My mum was there for me and my sister offering unconditional love and support, no matter what we did. She continues this now, even as we are grown up. My dad was a wonderful man. My best friend, he worked hard for not much money, and managed to be there for us too. We didn't always have what we wanted, but we always had what we needed.
Seven years ago I found him dead. I was 19, he was 55. No age. He closed his eyes, went to sleep and his heart just stopped. No drama. He was my best friend, my whole world and losing him broke my heart.
Do I believe he lives on? Of course he does. Every day he lives on in my memory and in my heart. Is he in heaven? I can't say no for sure, but I don't believe so, because I don't believe in heaven. I guess I could be wrong, but it's not something I need. He loved me so much, influenced me so much, that I am strong enough to cope with him passing away. it took me a long time, but I managed to move on, taking him with me in my heart. I talk to him sometimes as if he were still alive and that is how I cope. I don't need to conform to a religion to cope with it. I draw strength from people around me who love me and loved him too. My mum, my sister, David (who's own father died in his arms on Christmas Eve 3 years ago)...everyone who means something to me.
It is not in my nature to judge people, to tell them I know better and talk like I know how they feel and what they should think and do. Religion is all about that. It is about control and judgement and condemnation of anyone who doesn't think the same or believe the same and that is why the world is in the state it is in.
This blog isn't intended to insult anyone, which is more than can be said about some of the other blogs written on here.
Examples :
Anyone who has an abortion is a murderer. I don't approve of abortions, because I know how hard it is to conceive. That said...I refuse to condemn all women who have abortions because I don't know how it feels to be in a situation where it feels like the only option. I knew someone once who was raped and got pregnant as a result. She didn't want to have an abortion, it wasn't an easy choice for her, but she simply couldn't bear to carry the child. She was deeply emotionally traumatised and she talked to her so-called friends about how she was considering having an abortion. She said she felt like she had an alien growing in her. She wasn't ready for children, she didn't ask to be put in that situation. She does not deserve to be condemned by anyone for making what I know was the hardest decision she ever made. I don't agree with abortions but I never told her she couldn't do it, because I didn't know how she felt. Only SHE knew how she felt.
I screwed up my marriage. I should never have married. I did though, at a time in my life when I had just lost my father, and I naively thought being with anyone was better thatn being alone. I was nineteen and I made a mistake. I fell in love with someone else whilst I was still married and for a year I cheated on my husband. I'm not completely immoral, I know that's wrong. I hold my hands up and take full responsibilty for the repercussions of it. I made the right choice. I am free to love the right man for me now, and my husband is free too, to find the woman who is right for him. I will not allow myself to feel guilty about it for the rest of my life, nor allow anyone to make me feel guilty, based on what they believe to be right or wrong. If we had had children, would I have stayed in my marriage? I don't know. Probably not. Often it is more damaging for kids to have both parents together constantly at each others throats, than to have them apart. Can I say if I had kids I would have tried harder with my husband? NO. I couldn't have tried any harder than I did. My husband tried too but we both knew it was a losing battle. Our marriage was a silly mistake. I've learnt from it, so has he and I have his blessing to get on with my life. He has forgiven me.
It's not for anyone to tell me how I should feel about what I did or to call me a whore. You don't know me. The people that matter, those that loved me when I was married, love me still.
Growing up I had no real religious influence. It was not an issue. It's not that my mum and dad were athiests...we just never assigned to any religion. We were left to decide for ourseleves and I decided I didn't want it in my life. I was always open to the possibilty though, until recently.
I have now decided I absolutely want nothing to do with it, it's not for me. I have that right.
I always promised myself I would not do this. That I would allow people to believe whatever they want whilst believing whatever I want too. Live and let live. But following some of the blogs I've read on here recently, I have decided that if the Christian community can criticise me for NOT believing in God, then I am entitled to criticise them FOR believing in God.
If you want to comment on this blog, please feel free. But please don't if its to tell me I am evil, or a whore, or that you hope I will find God, or that God loves me anyway, or to tell me I'm wrong. Please don't waste your time. I hold as firm to my beliefs as you do yours. The only difference is...I'm not trying to force mine on other people.
I'm just trying to live my life, without feeling I have to right to judge, condemn and outright insult those who don't believe what I believe.
I like my life as it is. I've had my share of struggles and heart breaks and done some shitty things, but I'm here, I'm a good person, I've made it this far and I intend to be happy and have a happy life with no regrets, no 'if onlys'
Today is day one. This is me, as I am now. I'm 26 years old. I have a fabulous family, and a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart. I feel exactly the same about him. I am at college and have had an offer for a University place up in Newcastle. I have accepted and am moving to be with my soulmate in August. We are going to find a place together by the coast, I'm gonna do my degree and have the career I always dreamed of.
I have a failed marriage. I ruined it myself by cheating on my husband. I have spent a year feeling guilt and letting other people make me feel guilty. All that stops here and now. My husband accepts that us parting company is the right thing to do, and he is okay. Only he, and I, know how it felt to be in that situation.
I have a right to be happy, to have a happy future and be with someone who makes me smile.
If I make mistakes I will own up to them and learn from them, and I know my mum is proud of me and my dad would be too.
Right here, right now I am happy. I am drawing a line under the past and moving on. So is my husband.
If I'm wrong about the whole religion thing...I'm wrong. I only get one life, I just want to live it.
Don't judge me...you don't know me.
A little compassion goes a long way. And it's not so much to ask. |
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Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-01-29 16:14:08 | Rating: | Views: 118
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if you don't mind i will judge you, coz fare does i wish i was as open hearted as you! good luck with anything you do.
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Posted by yadokta
on 2008-01-30 12:56:33
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thank you so much...happy face now :-)) xxxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-01-30 16:09:55
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Very honest post. I wish I could share the feelings in my heart as well as you do. I do not share your beliefs, but when it comes to spiritual matters each person has to find the path that is right for them. When it comes to "truth" I don't feel there is one correct truth ... or one path that each person must follow. Your "truth" will not be the same as my "truth". What's right for you may not be right for me and that's OK.
"Religious" people have been judging others since the beginning of time. Jesus battled against the religious constantly. They didn't like that He was kind, caring and compassionate to the outcasts of the world. If someone is looking for God they will not find Him in religion.
It makes my heart sad that you are been called names and faced judgment by others. You are a beautiful person with an amazing heart, spirit and soul. Continue to listen to your heart ... it will never lie to you. Your posts reveal that you tend to be very hard on yourself sometimes. Given the challenges in your life I feel you have done an amazing job handling it all. You are a person who thinks things out and (from what I'm reading) makes good decisions. Enjoy each day and ignore those who want to bring you down or rain on your parade. I wish you love, peace and happiness today and always. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-01-31 00:50:43
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