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| whats wrong with me??????
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David brought my laptop in this afternoon and I'm very glad to have it! Means I can go online from the comfort of my bed!
So its 11.39pm. I am meant to be asleep but I'm not really tired right now. I cant seem to close my mind down. I wont get sprung because the nursie did her rounds at half past, which means she wont be back until half midnight...by which time I will be tucked up.
Right...onto the point of this blog, and the title. Here I am...lying in bed surrounded by cards and flowers and most importantly to my left is my gorgeous, wonderful son.
And yet, I'm sitting here feeling...a bit low actually. And its odd, but...lonely too. Why? I dont know, I really dont. What have I got to ever be down about now? My son is here sleeping beside me.
I want to be home, I want Stan to be home, I want us together as a family. I have spent a year with David 160 miles away and coped...now he is ten minutes away...I miss him. He's sleeping in my bed and I'm not there with him. I'm fretting over the fact that the hospital might send me home and keep Stan in, and then he'll be lying alone all night (in my head thats how it'll be)..so I'm a little sad tonight. How weird is that? How ungrateful does it make me seem? I feel awful for even thinking like that.
If there are any mums out there..tell me, did you feel this way at all? is it normal, cause it doesnt feel normal.
I just want David here, and if I didnt think he might be asleep now, I'd be calling him up.
I just want the three of us together and I have no patience whatsoever!
I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.
Night guys xxxxxxx
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Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-05-24 19:03:10 | Rating: | Views: 216
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Cheb - how you are feeling is normal... trust me ... expect to feel up and down big down in the next oh 6 weeks honey. You'll cry over nothing, you'll laugh madly! You'll think you are going insane - it's the hormone release - I went through it - the thing is to go with the flow and BLOG BLOG BLOG
Wish they had blogging after I'd had my two kids - instead I tried to hide it so people wouldn't think I was ab-normal.
Then when I talked to other new Mums they said the same thing.
I guess my point is ,... what you are feeling is NORMAL ... you've gone through a traumatic yet AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC experience... enjoy
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-24 19:18:20
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thank you, I needed to hear that x thank you xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-24 19:20:40
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oh wow...you had your baby!! i didn't know!!
congratulations!! yay new baby!! :)
:D
cheers!!
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2008-05-24 19:22:59
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Cheb - you are welcome ... oh have you had the night sweats yet? another secret!!! LOL
lean on David as much as you can - he'll think you're crazy!!!
If others ask to help - let them - Ask others to do your housework while you care for Stanley.
Such an amazing time - but so trying at the same time.
My problem was that I wanted to prove I could do it all - in the end I had to admit I just couldn't. There's nothing wrong with admitting it - so if you feel overwhelmed give in for a few days :)
If I can help at all please let me know ... although I can't come do your housework!! :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-24 19:25:53
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badlydrawnstickman - yep, he arrived wednesday, very early but he's okay. Have a look for user name 'stanleythomas' and you'll find his blog, and his pictures, and have a look on my fella's blog 'geordiedreamer' to find out how it happened
Thanks for stopping by xxx Cheb xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-24 19:27:13
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E2S - No night sweats as yet...but theres still time!
David already thinks I'm nuts so theres no worries there!
I guess I just feel like I have no reason or right to be feeling down...like its somehow taking away from how I feel about my boy. Its not, I love him so much and am so happy to have him...but ahhh I dont know...I think its just overwhelming, after all, I was under the impression I had a few more weeks to prepare yet, hehe
I just need every now and then to hear that how I feel is normal, so I dont feel like a total loon! xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-24 19:33:38
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Absolutely - and I hear you. You think you should be happy and not be upset anymore about anything -but your body has gone through a VERY traumatic time.. you've been an incubator for a time.. now it has to adjust back and that includes HORMONAL ... your hormones are going to play havoc .. that is the down feelings you'll feel.
I only "got it" after I'd had kids.
It'sometimes worse 3 days after birth .. but everyone is different.
You've got a lifetime of happiness in Stanley... but you'll have your ups and downs too.
Big Hug to you all.... btw can David stay in the hospital with you??
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-24 19:55:39
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I read your blog and the memories came flooding back...yes you are very normal. The ups and downs, and especially that feeling of being surrounded by people but feeling oh so lonely....
Beware of the "3 day blues" which are real but different for everybody. It takes time to not only physically but emotionally adjust to a new baby.
Learn to lean on those around you, it is OK to ask for help.
I wish you nothing but happiness... :)
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Posted by Kaybee
on 2008-05-24 22:08:27
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What you are feeling is very normal. Don't try and analysis the feelings you are having, because you won't be able to work it out. Just know that it is very normal thing.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-05-24 23:02:21
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I'm not a Mum, but many of my girlfriends and my own Mother went through this. Your body is doing a lot of adjusting right now and remember you just had major surgery (c-section) so your body is healing as well as dealing with a rush of hormonal changes. Remember the Beatles song .... "Let It Be". It will pass and everything will settle down for you. Be honest with your feelings .... talk it all out with David or your Mum. This is nothing to feel shameful or embarrassed about. Many movie actresses and public figures, here in the States, have gone public talking openly about their experience with post partum depression. Lean on others ... now is not the time to be superwoman and try and do it all on your own.
I remember how overwhelmed my sister was after her daughter was born. Her mind was racing and she was thinking about school, college etc. Finally she just had to tell herself to get a grip. Raising a child is a step by step process. She made herself focus on the moment at hand and the next thing that needed doing ... whether it was changing a nappy (diaper), feeding or giving a bath. Stay in the moment, remember to breathe and enjoy every second of being a Mum. Peace & Love To You
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-25 00:10:45
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Hi Cheb! You are normal and missing your family! How could that be anything but normal! Your baby is a part of you and always will be, entirely NOT ungrateful. Just because the umbilical cord has been cut, it doesn't mean that it's "cut", smile. it never is. Get rest, pray that Stan goes home with you, and thank God that he is here and doing well. Ten minutes away can seem like 100 miles away, but it's not really. You will be fine. I had two Caesarians, not fun, but this too shall pass.
Much love XXX
Ellie
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-05-25 11:19:26
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E2S- yes, I keep having to remind myself of just what I have put myself through since the moment I found out I was pregnant - worrying that I would miscarry, bleeding in the third month, then going into premature labour, having c-section etc...its gonna take some time to adjust. That three day thing made me think too...cause it had been three days. I suppose I just wasnt prepared just yet!
Unfortunately David cant stay here, I wish he could! Ah, the NHS!
Thank for your support xx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 13:59:42
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Kaybee - its good to know others have felt this way, it takes away that feeling of 'abnormality', so thank you x your comment has helped me feel much better, thank you xxxxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:04:21
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legacynera - yeah, this is my first, and given my fertility history, likely my last, which is fine because he all I need. I had never actually heard of post partum depression so I'm gonna have to read up on that. Its hard because I have no real reason to be depressed (nor right I feel), I have all I ever wanted...and I know everything will be wonderful, yet I still fret! Ah well...thanks for stopping by and commenting xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:06:36
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KP - thank you. Unfortunately I always over analyse and I need to stop. Thanks for your continued support (and your email) I appreciate it, and you x thank you xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:07:45
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ColoradoDreamin - thank you for your comment, support and great advice. I absolutely do need to slow down and take it one step at a time, I'm unneccessarily freaking myself out! I'm lucky I have a great family (I am very close to my mum and sister since my dad passed) and I can talk to David about anything, he's amazing.
Thanks for stopping by xxxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:09:46
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Congratulations!! You may be suffering from a mild case of post-partum depression. Check into it.
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Posted by smileforthecamera
on 2008-05-25 14:11:25
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Gwatlan - Hi, and thsnk you. Yeah, I have already seen a fair few mums come and go, and I think part of what I am feeling is simple impatience. I want home with my boy! I'm sure everything will be fine though. Thanks for stopping by xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:13:14
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Hi Ellie - thanks for stopping by. I know you're right too. God, is this how it always is?? its such a powerful feeling! LOl
Much love x Cheb x
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:19:23
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smileforthecamera - yeah, its been suggested, so I'm thinking of looking into it, I really dont want negative feelings to escalate. thanks for stopping by xxxxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-25 14:20:31
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