so i just got off the phone with my fella and he's really sick. he went out last night and drank rather alot of red wine (this I can vouch for as he rang me several times to tell me he loved me, and was even mushier than usual). this morning i text him as i usually do, and he replied that he had been throwing up all night. i just thought he had a hang over, but like i say, i just rang him and he's no better - in fact, he's even worse. he can't feel his legs and he's not eaten a thing. he's reached the point where he's umming and ahhing about calling the doctor if he's feeling no better tomorrow morning. im so worried. he's a diabetic too, so getting ill is even more dangerous. i just feel crap and useless. i love him, and i should be able to be there for him, i should physically be there to look after him. but here i am, with my husband. jeez im such a stupid prat, what am i doing?? i have made him promise to call me or text me if he gets worse, or doesn't get any better over night. it's scared me because what would i do if something really serious happened to him? stay here? go to him? i would have to go to him, couldnt do anything else, but what would i say to my husband? i have to go away for a while, the man i love is really ill and needs me? if i had to, yes i would, but what a shitty way to break it to hubby! i am going to have to leave him, and soon, because this isnt fair on any of us. i deserve better, my husband deserves to know the truth so he can get on with his life and find the someone he is meant to be with (because it isnt me, or i would feel the same) and my fella deserves all of me.
and as simply as that, i have made up my mind.
im going to leave my husband. and sooner than i had thought i would. its best for everyone. can only hope eventually he will see it that way too. god im scared. |
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