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Yesterday was a tough day. I absolutely loved that David came all the way down here to be here for the first look at our baby on the scan. What it meant to me for him to be there I cannot begin to describe.
I thought Valentines Day was the greatest day of my life until Thursday. I can't remember if I told you what happened on Valentine's Day, so if I didn't, here's a quick run-down.
It was made for people like David. He's a very tactile, romantic person anyway. So true to style, he bought me a huge card, and made me breakfast in bed, and then told me he had booked us a table at an expensive Italian restaurant on the sea front. The thing is, I knew he didn't have much money, so after much nagging on my part, I managed to persuade him the meal was not necessary, although he wasn't entirely convinced. He was doing it for me, and its gonna take some time for him to realise he doesnt need to do these things for me - other women have taken advantage of his generosity in the past, but I'm not gonna do that...all I want is to be with him.
Anyway...long story short...we took a little walk in the afternoon across the fields behind where he lives. It was a beautiful sunny day, just lovely. We stopped by the chemist and got a test and then went home. I tell you...when it came up positive, we screamed the house down! There were more than a few tears from both of us.
That afternoon we took a walk along the beach at Whitley Bay. The sun had deserted the sky, but not our hearts. As afternoon gave way to evening, we sat on a bench on the deserted promenade, cuddled up (it was freezing again by then) and ate chips out the paper. It was pure bliss, and to me even better than a formal meal would have been.
I thought that was easily the best day of my life, until I saw his face as he watched our baby on that scan on Thursday.
So yeah...yesterday was hard, cause I had to wave him off on the train back to Newcastle. He starts work again soon (he works in horse racing and its a seasonal sort of job) and whereas romance is nice, realistically, we are gonna need his wages!
Today is the first day I've actually sat down and really thought about things. I'm gonna be a mummy!
First and foremost this is a dream come true. For me and for him. I'm sure he thought he'd missed his chance years ago to be a father, and I thought I would never be a mum. Yet here were are, its happening.
There's alot of practical stuff to be thinking of.
There's hubby for a start. I mean...we both agreed that our marriage was dead long before I put the final nail in the coffin, so to speak, but this will still affect him, and I am still his wife, if only on paper. The benefit of us marrying young is we are splitting up young and there is still plenty of time for him to meet his soulmate too.
I don't believe we were destined to have children together (because we were not meant to be together) and the longer we had continued to live a lie, the less chance we would both have had to pursue this dream, which was kinda only ever one-sided anyway (from my side).
Then there's uni. I'm up to my neck in college stuff at the moment and have been accepted at Northumbria Univeristy on a degree course that starts 1st October. the baby is due in August. Yikes!
David and I have talked about this and he is not the kind of guy who is going to leave me to deal with everything - he's gonna be a very active dad, after all, he is living his greatest dream here, fatherhood. And he was born to be a dad, he's so loving. So he will be there offering emotional, practical support unconditionally, and wont hear of me holding off on my degree.
We need to sort somewhere to live more than ever now, and where I'm gonna have the baby. College ends at the beginning of July and I was gonna move up then, but now we need to decide where I'm not so sure. Personally I think up there is best - Geordie born and bred! It might seem a bit premature but time goes by so fast we need to be thinking about all of this now.
Anyway...just a warning. All sorts of things are going through my mind at the moment so I'm likely to write alot of rambling random blogs to straighten it out in my own head.
The coming months are gonna be tough, not sharing every second of this with David, but we will see each other as often as possible and it will work.
As someone once said (I forget who)
'Love is not gazing into each others eyes...it is looking forward together in the right direction.'
Wise words.
Sincerest thanks to all who offered congratulations. I am very happy xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-02-24 13:01:56 | Rating: | Views: 46
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The following quote has helped me when there is much to do. I have had this quote since I was a teenager (I'm now in my 50's) the paper it's written on is all yellow but it reminds me to slow down and take one thing at a time. My friends tease me that the word "overwhelmed" is my own personal word. Take care of yourself. Peace.
"There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast withers as rapidly; that which grows slowly endures." -- J.G. Holland
p.s. The quote in your post comes from Antoine De Saint-Exupery. I love quotes ... at times I feel I speak in quotes:) Peace & Love
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-02-26 21:46:43
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