Well...its been a while since I posted anything, so I thought I would give ya a quick update really.
Last week was tough, very tough. Thursday was seven years since my dad passed, and as it does every year, it sent me into a spin. I was snappy, I was sleeping all the time, weepy, distant...and no one could reach me. This is something that really bothered David, because he wanted to be there for me (if only on the phone), but he couldn't do anything to help me. And of course, I could sense I was upsetting him, because he wasn't used to me closing off on him, and the more I realised I was upsettting him, the more upset I got. Arrrggghhh. Not a nice week.
Anyway...I spent most of Thursday on my own up at the cemetary, just talking to him and remembering him really.
By Friday morning I was feeling much, much better. I apologised to David, which he wouldn't accept, refusing to acknowledge I had anything to be sorry for, but I just felt I had pushed him aside when he needed to be there and hurt his feelings. That matters to me. Anyway...we sorted things.
Thing is...he's a little down at the minute anyway. Not because he isn't happy about the baby...he still definitely is (as am I) but simply because he misses me. It feels very unnatural to both of us to be so far apart, we are missing the affection, the closeness, the hugs and kisses.
It got me to thinking, and to plotting. My trip in February was meant to be a surprise, but I ended up telling him I was coming up. Now as it is now, we've arranged for me to go to Newcastle on 12th May for a week, and I'm still gonna...I'm just gonna slip in an extra trip, from 10th-17th April. I am literally gonna just turn up at his door, unannounced as he did to me and I know he will love it. I'm getting quite excited about it now - 32 days to go!!
It wasn't easy trying to work out the dates. He starts back at work on Tuesday (at the races) and he doesn't work a set pattern, just random days depending on what racing is on. I had his friend trying to get info from him about when he was working in April, and she said he kept changing the subject before she finally got that he's working the week of the 23rd! Hehe. If he's working a couple of days I'm up there, it doesn't matter anyways.
So what else can I tell you...the pregnancy is going well. I'm not really showing just yet (but then how would I tell which is my huge belly and which is the baby?? LOL), but I can feel her (or him). My back is killing me and I pee for England but the biggest worry I have right now is I am in serious danger of being taken over, eaten alive by my own boobs (chebs in Geordieland). I was a 40E...then I got a 40F bra...and it just fit. Yesterday I saw one in Asda of all places that I thought was real pretty and tried it on...and its a 42G!!!!! OMG!!!! I can't run anywhere for fear of giving myself two black eyes, they enter a room ten minutes before the rest of me, there's no way my child will starve on the plus side...and I was thinking if I lie on my back in bed...I could sling one over each shoulder and use them as pillows!!! Naturally, David is delighted by this latest development, pointing out that I still have five months to go and there's time for them to grow even more...yikes they already look like right said fred in a hammock (and if you remember them, you're as sad as I am! LOL). At least I won't be one of those women moaning...'Oooh I'm getting so fat!!!' Hell, I was fat to begin with and whats more, I LIKE being fat! Hehehe
Still...all is okay, and thats the main thing. I'm eating right, exercising, I still don't smoke, and I even stopped biting my nails a couple of weeks ago...as my mum put it, I am positively blossoming this year. And we're only a third of the way through.
When I think of whats still to come this year, it makes my head swim, but I know I can do it all, cause I have my mum and I have David and I have my baby.
Bring it on!!!!!
Peace and love to you all, and if you know anyone who could do with a little more 'flesh' in the cleaveage department...let me know...I have plenty to spare, as the title of this blog suggests (I thought it sounded kinda Jeremy Kyle or Maury Povich...lol) |
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