| Light Relief - from Billy Connelly |
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The funniest thing to come out of Scotland, shares his words of ermmm...'wisdom'
My parents used to take me to Lewis' department store in Glasgow. They were skinflints, they used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was the zoo.
Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.
Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."
I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
Save the Trees?...Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of cigarette packet.
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head - supposedly for people to drive along the freeway with
Made me giggle, so thought I'd share! x
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