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As I write this I am sitting at the PC in my mum's dining room, and I am feeling good about that.
I am offically a free woman!!
On Saturday night everything came to a head and I left my husband. It was my intention just to tell him it was over, pack a bag and go. I wasn't going to tell him about David. But unfortunately he kicked off big time and we had a huge row. Which inevitably turned physical, when he tried to physically stop me leaving. What he didn't know was I had already called my brother in law to come round, suspecting that he might get nasty and feeling I would probably need back up. I was right.
I was so mad at him for turning it into a brawl and so upset I told him everything. He was shouting at me, telling me if I left, that was it, no one else would ever want me, no one would put up with me as he has (oh, what a martyre he is...) and that I was kidding myself if I thought I would ever amount to anything with college and uni and in relationships. That I was doomed to fail and be alone. So naturally I had to set him straight. I pointed out that I am doing very well at college, that I have as good a chance as anyone at doing really well at uni...and that I have already found someone who loves me in a way he is just not capable of.
He went for me then. Hand around my throat telling me I'd be no use to anyone else dead. That was the point my brother in law turned up. He stood in the living room with my husband while I packed and then drove me to my mums where she met me with a smile and a hug. I was crying alot by the time I got there, but I think alot of my tears were sheer relief.
Given the way he reacted (so nasty, and no one deserves that, especially as he was behaivng that way before he even knew about David) I have now decided that I am most definitely better off now, I have made the right choice. I had always envisioned him breaking down, begging me not to go, but there was none of that, just a determined look in his eye that I was not going to do it, an expression that said no way was I allowed to be that happy, to make such a momentous decision that didn't include him.
I know he propbably reacted as he did because he didn't see it coming, and I also know that when he has calmed down, he'll be round, all lovey-dovey and asking me to come home but it's taken me so long to do this, no way am I going back on it. He can't possibly have been happy with me, particularly over the past two years or so, he must know we aren't right together so eventually I am hoping he will see it as a psoitive thing and move on. I'm not right for him any more than he is for me. His perfect partner must still be out there, and it's not me. Now at least he can find her and be happy too.
I rang David and told him, and I expected him to be all 'Yes!!!!' but he wasn't like that at all. of course he was pleased, because now we're official and can get on with being a proper couple...I won't have to pretend when I go and see him and he can come and see me here, though I think I'd prefer to go up there then risk the two of them meeting.
David was more concerned that I was okay. Especially as I told him how hubby had reacted physically. He was livid about that. I tried to explain that I kinda provoked him, but he was having none of that, saying there's no excuse for it. He kept saying 'give me his number, give me his number, no one messes with my lady!' which was so sweet I actually got a fit of giggles. I told him to leave it, it didn't matter.
All that matters now is that me and David are a proper couple, I've done the right thing and all I need to focus on now is passing the course, getting to university and settling down to be happy in a secure future.
And although I probably should feel guilty, I don't. I refuse to put myself through any more negative shit. I've had seven years of that.
Time to be happy.... |
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Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-01-07 10:56:46 | Rating: | Views: 167
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Thnks Bullseye. Have to admit, it feels good. I expected to feel sad in some way...I still expect to at some point, can't feel nothing after 7 and a half years together, but for now it's just a relief and as I said...the right decision. Hopefully soon enough he will see that too! happy New Year! xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-01-07 11:05:29
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Hi - it was a difficult decision to make and an even harder one to put into practice. You are still in for a bit of a bumpy ride so take care. Only when you have those divorce papers can you put it all behind you. Stay positive and take care.
:o)
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Posted by Headinclouds
on 2008-01-07 11:15:17
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Hi...yes the word divorce had already occured to me. I guess I will be officially to blame for the end of the marriage, and I can live with that, I have to really. Am only so, so glad there are no kids involved, nor had we ever bought a house...so that's two issues that will help. If I end up forever labelled an adultress...so be it, it's worth it! As you said, still a bumpy ride ahead but I'll get there in the end, especially now I have finally made a move. Thanks for everyone's support! :-)
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-01-07 11:36:56
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I was relieved to read this post. I had read your earlier one a few days ago "What A Tangled Web We Weave" and was going to leave a comment encouraging you to leave, but wanted it to be your own decision. You did the right thing. Staying with someone you don't love ... someone who has violent tendencies .... someone it feels unnatural to make love with is NEVER the right thing to do. I don't like labels ... sure someone may say you are an adulteress but that's just an opinion and NOT the truth. Wishing you and David the best of luck. You deserve every happiness in this world ... you deserve to be with a man who loves, cherishes and adores you. I'm so proud of you for being so brave. Peace & Love
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-01-07 13:39:17
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that's awesome that u finally did what you sound like u should have done a long time ago. i grew up in a situation similar to that with my parents & then wound up getting into a very long relationship that i couldn't find my way out of for four & a half years. he wasn't abusive physically but there were more than enough reasons for me to leave. it's definitely alot easier said than done. congrats on ur new freedom!
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Posted by foxx_flie
on 2008-01-07 19:06:43
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Oh hun, I'm so glad to hear that you've left. I was surprised, shocked, and actually holding my breath when I read that David became physical; and I was relieved when I read further on that you're okay. I'm sorry you had to endure the emotional and verbal abuse, as well as the trauma of actually being physically threatened. I'm terribly glad you have support structure in place for you and that you had/have meaningful people in your life that make your choice all the easier for you.
Congratulations on your steps forward and your newfound freedom. May the path laid out before you be full of promise and happiness. I wish the best for you and David. Take care, doll.
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Posted by addiction
on 2008-01-08 13:17:58
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Thanks...three days on the sense of relief is still with me and i'm feeling good. It was my hubby, not David, who got physical with me, but I reckon thats what you meant!
main thing to me now is that I am happy and for the first time in my life I have total faith in the future being everything I want it to be!
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-01-08 14:05:59
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Errr .. that is exactly what I meant. I'm glad you realised what I meant since I can't seem to type well today. It's a shame we can't edit our comments when we've realised we've made boo-boos.
I'm so glad you're finally happy and with your outlook and optimism, I don't see any reason why everything shouldn't be what you want it to be.
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Posted by addiction
on 2008-01-08 16:46:03
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