Okay, so me and my family spent the later part of yesterday afternoon in the pub (don't worry, I was not drinking!) and this blog follows on from a conversation I was having then.
As David has said, he is very good at talking, in that he can express himself vocally very well. Me...I tend to write things down better, because I seem to need that little extra moment to properly think what it is I want to say.
I was trying to explain something yesterday but no one got what I meant and I reckon at one point it came out down right wierd.
We were talking about me and David and the fact that he is eighteen years my senior. I was asked why I think it works so well, and whether I think it would be different if the ages were the other way around, ie if I were the older one.
What I was trying to say is I think it works because him being older is what seems to work for me.
Okay...I'm gonna try to explain the tricky bit now without you all thinking I'm a devient and you tell me if theres logic there or not.
I've studied Psychology three times now in some sense. Okay, Freud. In my humble opinion, Freud was a nutcase. His theories, like the Oedipus Complex, literally came from his head and no solid reliable research.
But when it comes to the impact our parents have on us, I think he was on to something.
There is an eighteen year age gap between David and my dad. If my dad had lived past 55, he would have been 63 this year.
They have alot in common though. They are both very kind hearted and selfless, both extremely polite and well mannered, both old fashioned and respectful, both with a lousy sense of humour, and I think thats why I love David. Because he is so much like my dad.
Thats the bit I realise sounds odd, because it sounds like I am comparing my feelings for dad with my feelings for David, and obviously they shouldnt be the same.
What I am trying to say is that I do think if a girl has had a good relationship with her father, she will then be drawn to men like her father. And thats whats happened here. Its just that my dad was old fashioned in a way that younger guys just arent anymore. In the way that only older men are.
Thr main thing they have in common is that from them both I felt and feel, totally safe, secure and protected and I love that feeling. Finally, they both loved and love me unconditionally, no matter what and that feels amazing too.
The love I feel for them is a different kind, but the same strength. And the bond that I had with my dad, I have of the same (almost) strength with David.
He's so similar to dad that I couldnt meet him and NOT love him, but every time I try to explain that, it always comes out sounding like I had a very 'wrong' relationship with my dad, or that I see David as my dad, and of course, neither is true.
I have to go to college now, but I may add more later. In the meantime, if anyone reads this, could you please tell me if any of that made sense?
Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-05-12 04:16:00 | Rating: | Views: 78
It makes perfect sense to me, and I tend to agree. It figures that if we have a positive male role model as we grow up, we will automatically be drawn to people with his qualities when we are older too.
Cheb, You loved your father because of his qualities so it is not suprising that you found a partner with those qualities. N is nothing like my mother was, but then again my mother's qualities could be hard to see.
this makes perfect sense. my dad wasn't around so i try to use my grandfather this way. i look at guys and then see how they had similar qualities. i like the fact that my grandfather had a passion for music, how he generally cared about other people over himself, how laid back he was, how everyone loved him. and i know if i could find someone who loved me as much as he did, and made me feel safe and secure, and happy, then i know i have found the person i am ment to be with. this makes perfect sense. and i agree with you about freud also :p
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