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I had the most surreal and unexpected conversation last night.
I got a phone call, at one in the morning, from ex hubby. At first I thought...oh, what does he want? Maybe he's drunk or whatever. As it turns out he was ringing to tell me one of our dogs had gotten out and they couldnt find him. We have two dogs, who now live with ex hubby and the in laws. The dogs are happy there and its better for them to stay there.
Unless you have pets of your own, expecially dogs, its gonna be hard for me to explain what they mean to me. For years in our marriage the dogs acted as sort of replacement children - we couldn't have kids, so we had dogs. So the knowledge that one of them was missing got me dressed and out looking for them in a matter of minutes.
We wandered around the streets for nearly an hour. We got to reminiscing about the dogs and the silly things they have gotten up to over the years and then naturally moved on to other things. I always maintained that there were no really happy times for us, but he reminded me of a couple of times when we got close to having that, so I stand corrected.
Alot was said, that for his sake I would like to keep between us (after all, he is not here to defend himself) and alot of issues laid to rest.
I was honest with him, and he returned the honour, perhaps more than he ever did before. He took responsibility for his part in the breakdown of our marriage.
And then he stopped walking, and he took my hands and said,
'I wish...you and I had stayed friends from the beginning. The day we tried to turn it into something more, we ruined it. I only want you to be happy. That's all I want.'
I told him I was happy, and he smiled, seemed genuinely pleased about that. I asked him was he okay and he told me he would be.
Out of the corner of his eye he spotted our dog and we literally had to sort of drag him back by the scruff of his neck, as he obviously had no lead on. When we got back to his mums, she was waiting for us and she simply shot me a disapproving look (she has never and probably never will forgive me for doing what she never could (she is far from happy in her own marriage) and of course, there is the baby - her chance to be a grandmother again, but she isnt).
Hubby told her to take the dog inside and he was walking me home. I'll be honest, I thought he might try it on, its sorta his style, but he didn't. When we reached my mums he just said 'I guess kissing you is not a good idea' and I shook my head. He hugged me, very briefly, and just said. 'I'm sorry'
Before I could say anything back to that, he was gone.
I've told Dave all about this and was reminded again how lucky I am to have someone so mature and understanding, who saw this as I did - as closure. And I have been honest in my feelings too.
Last night made me sad. Not because I miss hubby, or what we had, but just because...we both wasted so much time. I'm lucky I still found my soulmate but what if his passed him by while he was with me?
Life is too short, too short to be with the wrong person, too short for regrets, too short for anger, resentment, bitterness and hate.
Thats a lesson I learned the hard way, but when was anything worth learning easy to learn?
Peace and love guys xxx
Cheb xxx |
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Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-05-04 08:46:14 | Rating: | Views: 114
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Great Post!!
I am still in the bitter,angry stage with my ex. But once I am in the arms of the man I love, then I'll be able to forgive him!!! :)
Oh and when our cat died this year, and the dog earlier ... it broke all ties we had with our past lives. So I get where you are coming from.
Thank you for sharing.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-04 09:01:17
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I'm glad you got closure.
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Posted by mrsdragonseal
on 2008-05-04 09:02:17
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oh .. of course we still have our beautiful kids .... but no mutual pets anymore.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-04 09:03:50
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"Life is too short, too short to be with the wrong person, too short for regrets, too short for anger, resentment, bitterness and hate."
Well said, Cheb. Your words (above) were exactly what I needed to read at this moment in time. The universe had much more in mind than just a simple missing dog. This event was the catalyst allowing closure to happen with your ex. Another piece of the puzzle slipping into place as you embark on your new life with David. In a way it was confirmation that you are on the right path. Many times we believe the "powers that be" don't want us to be happy, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I have always believed (and speak from personal experience) that there are just some friendships that never should go beyond that. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Love & Hugs
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-05-04 18:10:40
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Thank you for speaking to my heart.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-05-05 00:43:10
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Beautiful post, cheb.
xoxoxo
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-05-05 03:42:33
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EasyToSay - I'm glad that what I said makes sense, and I agree with what you said - when I am with David I forget everything else and its much easier to move on when in the arms of someone you love!
Thanks for stopping by! x
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-05 03:48:36
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mrsdragonseal - thanks for stopping by and for your comment xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-05 03:49:25
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CD - Thank you for stopping by. What you said about i believing the "powers that be" dont want us to be happy is spot on for me, as is everything you said really.
I do suddenly feel as though a weight has been lifted, because I was carrying a huge amount of guilt over hubby. To know he is okay was very important to my ability to move on properly and now I can do that.
Thanks for your kind words xxx cheb xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-05 03:52:52
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HungryHeart - thank you! (blushes) dont know how I have done that but glad I have. Thank you for your kind words xxx cheb xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-05 03:54:02
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angelwings - thank you and thanks for stopping by xxx cheb xxx
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-05-05 03:54:32
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