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I don't want to be here!
I really want a drink.

I REALLY want a drink.

I'm back in England having been to Haiti and to my parents and I'm just falling back into where I was before. Lonely... stranded... abandoned... hopeless... All these things that God has saved me from and never created me to be.

I am reading a Max Lucado book 'Cure for the Common Life' and I really want to get to where God wants me but it seems so far away.
It also seems that as long as I stay here I will be doing it alone and I can't do that. I need some friendship, some love and to be taken care of. I don't need to be dependant on someone but I do need support. And I know that the way I went about it last time (getting into bed with totally the wrong man) was wrong and just made things so much worse in the long run and I don't want to do all that again. I don't necesserily want a man. I want friends, not an absorbing relationship with one badly chosen person but lasting friendships with people I can trust and who can trust me. That's surely not too much to ask is it?!

I've been decorating this week. That usually ends up in me drinking alcohol. (don't know why but they seem to go together!) I haven't drunk though and I'm not sure why but it's a good thing i guess. I just don't know if I can hold out for the rest of the day.

I'm getting into church stuff now I'm back. I went out midweek and there's church tomorrow. If I can just hold off till then...
Posted by cedge on 2008-03-08 12:58:18 | Rating: n/a | Views: 76


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Posted by
bjm1
on 2008-03-08 13:19:22
 
you can hang on, you are not alone, i am going to this new church in my neighbourhood, tomorrow i am exited,, take care of you, Godbless
 
 

Posted by
HausApePapa
on 2008-03-31 17:14:08
 
Why must decorating and drinking go hand in hand? Look at that thought a moment.

I imagine you are hearing many voices (no, not the way "crazy" people do), voices of your memories, echoing what has happened in the past. And your new, good experiences are getting lost in the noise.

Try this: What was the one most memorable thing that happened to you down in Haiti? How would you describe it? What was the weather like that day? Were there birds singing? If so, what did they sound like? If it was raining, was it a warm rain? Or cold, like what we occasionally get here in the spring. What did the flowers look like? Can you find those colors (colours?) at the local department store to help you decorate?

In other words, replace the bad with the good. It gets easier with practice. I know. I've had to work at it long and hard myself.

You can do it, though.

The simple fact that you are sharing this with the world proves the point.

To encourage myself I'm writing a blog of my most personally helpful tricks (?) to find the sunshine. It does help that Colorado days are generally sunny.

In cloudier climes you have to find your sunshine wherever you can.

So keep looking!

I'll keep checking in on you, and you're in my thoughts and prayers.
 
 


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cedge
england, United Kingdom

Latest Posts
1.  standing up for myself! (2008-07-18 19:08:40)  
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