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Today was all about friends.

Firstly, my 'stalker' text me 4 times none of which I replied to. So he rang to check I was ok but instead of his name coming up on the phone it said 'Withheld' so I answered it. He's pissing me off now. I get that he's lonely and says he doesn’t have many friends but he just won’t leave me alone. I'll be friends with him if he'd give me my space too. He must have sent 30 texts in the past 4 days. Not including the ones he sends twice if I don't reply quickly enough. Others just laugh about it and make jokes (he's in a wheelchair so I think people assume it's all innocent) but it's still harassment.

Secondly, a friend who knows quite a bit about me (things like how I used to drink all day and stopped eating for ages - stuff I had to keep from my work colleagues) came over tonight. He asked me about my 'relationship' and I told him everything. The smoking, drinking again and the sex plus the plans to do E and/or coke. He told me about how he used to be into that stuff as well as porn and how knows how bad it is and doesn't want to see me go there. Then he said about my anti-depressants and how he wants me to promise I won’t be on them for life as some bloke he met last week who was in his 60s has been on and off them since he was 20ish and is dependant. 40 years of dependency!! Man that's a long time!! If this guy wasn't still getting depressed I'd have some hope for my self.
So as soon as this friend left i was texting my man to ask him if he can get hold of any drugs. Talk about rebellion!! I told him I was loving my new self and even thanked him for the change in me!!

Thirdly, my work friends. After work my one friend told me that when my man goes home for good (in two weeks) I will have to hang round with him more so I don't feel bored. He's gay so there’s no complication there!! I've warned him that I'm likely to be a grumpy bum and rubbish company cos I'll obviously be missing him.
Two of my other friends at work (the ones that want me to go out with them and their friends) seem like they're too disorganised too arrange anything properly. My gay friend (that's not to label him I just don’t want to use names) has told me that the other two wouldn't be able to look after me if I went out cos they get bladdered and go to all these clubs. He realises I'm more of a social, pub type of person as is he, so I've persuaded him he has to come out with us and we can leave them when we get fed up. I'd also be able to crash at his which would be good cos I wouldn't want to take a taxi home on my own.

It's a beautiful day today. The autumn/fall leaves on the trees gently blowing in the breeze, the clear blue sky and the crisp coldness that tells you it's December. It's nice to write that and feel like I can still appreciate things in life. It's depressing to think that having just got back from my night shift I'm going to bed now it will probably be dark when I wake up.
I've got to find a day job next week but it's just so much hassle. An incentive though would be that I could stay over at 'his' hotel rather than having to leave for work after a couple of hours. He's back on Sunday. That'd be the best day to do drugs cos I'm not in work ‘til Monday night but it depends whether he's using a dealer here or back home.

...off to bed.