People often ask me 'When did you know you were gay?' or 'When did you turn gay?' This always amused me, only for the fact that you don't "TURN" into anything lol. You are born this way, and I knew I was "gay" well lets say I knew I was "different" at a very young age. I didn't know that being attracted to men was "gay" I didn't even know there was a such thing until I got older. I just  knew that the way I felt was "wrong" according to people in my family.

Growing up gay was somewhat of a challenge for me. I lived in a town with the population of 50 maybe 60 so everyone knew everyone. My fathers parents were preachers, and my mothers side well they were just plain country. I got teased in school because all my friends were girls, "Queer" this "queer" that everywhere I turned that was all I heard. But once I became a freshmen in HS things started to change. My sister who was in 8th grade at the time started dating Adam a Jounior at our HS. Adam happen to have a gay brother that he wanted us to met, so we did.  I met his brother Andy and his b/f and feel in love with both of them. They were  normal people just like everyone else and they were happy in life. That day completly made me rethink about everything. I was still to scared to come out yet, but meeting two gay men brought me one step closer.

Finally my sophmore year I let it out. I remember this day so clearly. Sitting at lunch with my sister, Adam, Bobby, Gavin, and Danielle I announced that I had something to tell everyone. "Hey guys I have something to tell you." I remember feeling there eyes on me, just burning wholes through me. I couldn't speak the words were stuck in my throat, I just couldn't get them out. I closed my eyes and said "I'm gay" and felt a tear roll down my cheek. And I remember the first person I saw when I opened my eyes was my sister smiling at me and saying "I love you" and thats when  I knew everything was alright. I was horrified about telling anyone at school, I didn't have many friends and the ones I did have I didn't want to lose. Fait was on my side because all my friends stood by my side, and many more came to join them, so I was very lucky.

My journy still wasn't complete I still had yet to tell my Mother and Father. I couldn't just come out and tell my mom, so I wrote her a poem. My hands were shaking my heart felt like it was going to dry up, I thought I would faint. And I got the best surprise when she turned to me, she wrapped her arms around me and said "Shane you are my son, and I love you the way god made you." It was then that I felt my life had truely begain. My Jr year in HS I met my first love he was 25, his family had money they owned "Wilsons Leather." (this I didn't know until after we were together for awhile) Prom time came around, and I wanted nothing more than for him to go with me. Well I was still a little weary about letting people know I was "gay" so a friend of mine Ashley asked the principle if we could bring "Same sex" partners. He looked at her and said "well if they want to know they can come and ask me" so I moved forward in my seat and asked him, and he said the same thing to me. We left it at that, and went back later that day. When we returned to his office to ask again, we had brought one of the girls from the school who happen to be "lesbian." He came up with this big story about how he would have to run it by the school board and the people in the community, and said he would get back with us that Monday at school.

That night when I went home I got online and did some research, printed off a bunch of papers on the issue and took them to school with me that Monday. The papers simply stated that if they didn't allow me to go with my b/f I could sue do to the fact that its a representation of the first amendment. Well the principle walked by me at lunch and I asked him if he did what he said he would do and he said they voted against it. I followed him to his office tossed to papers on his desk and told him "you might want to change your mind after you read these papers." He looked at me, and said "Okay you can bring him to prom." so thats exactly what I did. I've never done anything in my life that made me fear my life until that night. Walking into the school building with his arm in mine was frightening. Everyone stared like we were a couple of freaks, people whispered, this situation would make anyone feel un-easy. Then the time came for the promanade, my friend Hope godbless her introduced me to her mother that night. Her mother incouraged me to do the promonade and so we both did. We walked on that stage, looked out into the crowed of parents, and silence was all there was for about 10 seconds. Then this roar came from the crowd, people stood on their feet and soon followed an applause. My smile was hooked to my ears, I was so proud.  

That right there is pretty much the basis of how my life changed. It was not an easy road, I delt with heatbreak, dis-appointment but life went on. My life is far from over, and I won't stop telling my story and being a support line for those like me. I'm as normal as the guy next door, and always will be, I just happen to love a little differently.